Umm... Sure, why not?

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

My casino has new top-of-the-line technology to stop heists: a montage detector. If those bastards want to break in and steal my money, they’re doing it as part of one, long take

we talk about doing it scared and doing it alone but what about doing it uninterested

Hello bisexual community

Begin killing

We need to come up with a snappy barbenheimer portmanteau for Disclosure Day and Stop! That! Train!

if you think about it, the social contract of the Car largely mirrors antiquated notions of patriarchial chivalry... the Big, Strong Automobile, which inherently has the power to maim and kill, must yield the right of way to the misogynized pedestrian, as a show of the Automobile's power & potential lethality. "ladies first," all in a world where more and more space is carved out day by day for the Automobile... now, contrast this with the locomotive, where all passengers are equal... thus you can see that not having a car is emasculating, having to ride public transportation with other people is emasculating, and women are even derided as being poorer drivers. Men do not like the train because it renders them effectively homosexual; they thrive on the upper end of inequality and feel like nothing without it. Taking the train is essentially lesbian frotting

porn is bad because [christian talking point] and [alt-right study] and [misunderstood neurochemistry] and of course [feature of capitalism]

thank you SO MUCH for reminding me about [feature of patriarchy] and [problem caused by lack of kids' sex ed] random tumblr user in the notes! louder for those in the back!

The adult content warning on this post is really just the icing on the cake

Sudden realization that the skeins of yarn out on my laundry line to dry are. Phallic in appearance.

It all makes sense now

#if he got rid of some middle names i bet he would be more aerodynamic and better at racing via @/honeyseller

Correction: it's not the Medicis who run the Dublin fried chicken shops, but the direct decendants of the enemies of the Medici; the Borgias. The chain is called Borza and is better known for fish and chips. They moved to Ireland in the early 20th century. They are also said to have introduced the deep fried Mars bar from Scotland to Ireland.

The Borgias, among the most feared and reviled families in European history, running a fish 'n chips shop with deep fried Mars bars is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. It's like something from a D&D campaign where they decided to completely change genres.

the sandwich with no words is so uncanny. Its like its staring at me, like I was never supposed to peel back the text.

I love vague labels that make people go "but that's confusing" or "but that could mean anything" Good. Keep guessing lol

"Queer doesn't actually tell me anything" who says I wanted to tell you anything. Who even are you.