the petty and the profound

Idk guys… is it just me or is lead poisoning… a little sexy

they sell items at tjmaxx that even God is not aware of

statements like "It's wrong to masturbate about a person without their consent" and "It's wrong to do something that quietly arouses you while you are in public even if no one can see it" show that a person's understanding of morality basically involves magical thinking. like I wrote this post on the toilet. That's not the same thing as me literally shitting on you

the inside of your head is not a shared space

One of the funniest things about Mormonism is that I’m sure Joseph Smith never believed any of the bullshit he said. There are some religions and cults where you have faith the original prophet actually thought they were talking to angels or believed the set of principles they laid out for their followers were for the greater good. Joseph Smith was a dumbass but like PT Barnum he realized a sucker was born every day and he was one step above the average 1830s sucker. He went from making people pay him to look at a rock in a top hat and ‘locate buried treasure’ to receiving lost bits of scripture, through the rock and top hat method. His wife caught him cheating and he said an angel visited him and told him men should be allowed multiple wives and not obeying that would send her to hell. I’m fairly convinced that dude was an atheist. He was on that hustler grindset. Brigham Young might have actually believed some of the shit he said but I don’t think Joseph Smith genuinely had faith in Mormonism or gave a fuck about humanity in the slightest.

Also, I think it’s so funny that his Wikipedia lists him as the first U.S. presidential candidate to be assassinated kind of implying he was assassinated for presidential politic reasons and not because he was a career criminal who had been terrorizing Illinois for 5 years straight.

“sex/romance/empathy makes us human,” they say. awful. pathetic. what makes us human is the urge to set things on fire

Burning the mammoth flank just a lirtle instead of eating it raw gives grug more calorie to think. Grug thinking about color symbolism in silence of the lambs

The bird that torments Prometheus learned something

it's so hardcover –> we're so paperback

this post is making me pronounce hardcover in a way i never considered

No dentist appointment is complete without the knuckle-whitening toe curling agony of having work done while awake I want to ruin my teeth in 2019 so I can feel the blood welling in my mouth like an untapped water source in a cave as the dentist bores holes in me with a drill

[louder than everyone] MAN I THINK IT DEPENDS!

Born to don't wanna. Forced to gotta

So remember to brush and floss, mes petites pommes!

Flow like a chart, spread like a sheet

“Humans are inherently selfish--" Then why do so many cultures value hospitality, to the point of dictating it in their religions? Why is it so common for hosts to offer their visitors their best food, and as much of it as they can? At some point, multiple cultures decided that they knew what it felt like to be alone and vulnerable, and promised each other to never let those who stay with them feel that way. That doesn't sound very "inherently selfish" to me.

And to everyone going "Oh, but he probably had other qualities", you're kind of missing the point. Sure, he could have been a storyteller, a philosopher, world's best babysitter, a genius at thinking up dirty jokes - but he could also have been grumpy old uncle Nandy who never really enriched anyone's existence and he still had value as a person.

The first sign of civilization is a healed femur. The first sign of humanity is an old scar. The first sign we were people at all is the grave Of a child Laid to rest as though sleeping With flowers all around.