🫧TWISTED GUTZ🍾

A was splayed lazily in their bed, half out of the work clothes they gave up trying to remove. One hand was stuffed behind their head amidst the pillows and the mattress, the other resting on their belly while they watched trashy TV. Exactly where they wanted to be after their exhausting week at work.

Their boss had given everyone a half-day after the big project they had been working on was finally finished. All the employees had been far too tired to even crack smiles of relief. Possibly in an attempt to win back some friends after being a complete pain in the ass for months, their boss had waved everyone away and sent them home. A certainly couldn't get out of there fast enough.

They'd actually come home at a reasonable hour for once and collapsed into bed, ready for some much needed down time. It had been months since they'd actually relaxed.

The sounds of the front door opening caught A's attention, bringing on a smile as they switched the TV off. B was home. A had barely seen B since their job had become such a nightmare, and now they could finally spend some time together. Perhaps they could order take-out and watch a movie, maybe open up some wine—

A loud rumbling like rolling thunder interrupted A's thoughts, echoing from the direction of the front door.

A's mouth dropped open.

"Ohhh, my God." B's voice carried to A's room when the noise tapered off, complete relief in their tone.

B was...? That— Surely not... Had that been...?

Another noise, like furniture dragged slowly along a wooden floor, growing clearer with each second that ticked by. And ticked by. And ticked by.

A was distantly aware of the throbbing of their blood, the arousal between their legs.

It ended with a wet plt.

"Fuck." A billowing sigh, and footsteps finally entering the house.

B was... farting. To such a degree and volume that it seemed to shake the very walls. A had, much to their dismay, never heard B fart in all their time knowing them. It seemed strange for two people to live together and not hear even one accidental rip - A had assumed that B was just extremely cautious of that kind of thing. It wasn't as though A could just ask. At least, not without blushing.

One, two, three farts in quick succession, matching the footsteps on the tiles as B walked into the lounge - then a fourth, longer, and far more bubbly, and A's mouth watered at the image of B pausing with a leg bent to rid themselves of their pesky gas. Their face pinched in strain. Their bloated stomach deflating from what must've been agonising amounts of trapped wind.

Another wet finish, and what could only be described as a moan. "Ohh, fuck. There we go." The couch creaked as B settled down on it and A's hand was already shoved between their legs and rubbing furiously.

They did their best to last, faced as they were with the hottest wanking material they'd ever come across, but they were doomed from the start. Every subsequent fart B cut loose (muffled and bubbling as they were sitting on the couch, their couch, oh fuck—) threatened to pitch them over the edge.

(Part One)

Loud/deep: Booming, deafening, thunderous/thundering, piercing, roaring, bold, throaty, great, mighty, immense, astronomical, astronomic, sizable, monster, super, voluminous, hefty, lofty, substantial, mighty, powerful, robust, energetic, explosion/explosive, intense, fierce, vigorous, strong, noble, fortified, spirited, turbulent

Many: Storm, barrage, onslaught, flood, torrent, cascade, quick, numerous, countless, legion, series, string, progression, constant, frequent, continual, regular, routine, unceasing, habitual, intermittent, continuous, periodical, overflowing, deluge, rush, stream, flood, frenzy, recurrent, periodic, sporadic, occasional, rhythmic, erratic, spotty, irregular, whirlwind

Long: Endless, vast, profound, lengthy, great, persistent, boundless, unending, perpetual, unbroken, continuous, uninterrupted, unceasing, lengthy, sizable, prolonged, drawn out, unyielding, persistent, relentless, ruthless, unstoppable, nonstop, incessant, steady, unwavering

Short/cute: Tiny, little, mini, puny, brief, low, shy, meager, light, timid, apprehensive, modest, sheepish, reserved, adorable, sweet, quiet, soft, muffled, gentle, mellow, mild, dwindling, smooth, brief, momentary, fleeting, wary, careful, cautious, feeble, faint, dainty, delicate, subtle, elegant, hesitant, mellow, restrained, modest

Unexpected or surprising : abrupt, startling, jolting, jarring, accidental, inadvertent, slip, stumble, creep, interrupt, shocking, stunning, blunt, astonishing, curt, staggering, jaw-dropping, unanticipated, unannounced, flustering/flustered

Holding back: Stifle, suppress, swallow, repress, manage, control, smother, contain, quell, curb, bottle up, rein in, hamper, silence, avert, hinder, delay, block, withhold, pressure, tension, constraint, retain, conserve, resist, fight, curtail

hefty, onslaught, relentless/ruthless... oh nonnie i'm drooling

like you relaxing in the tub when they come sauntering in.. lazily unzipping their jeans as they prop their foot on the edge of the bathtub; grinning down at you, eyes half-lidded with a casual "hey, baby,” before they’re unleashing a long, hot jet of piss into the tub. you can feel the water start warming and foaming at the sides as it turns yellow. their relieved “ah..” as they go.. and you can't hide the way your face sears red and you sink a little deeper into the filthy water, blushing hard.

More of that green smoothie mix wreaking havoc on my guts. I bet you'd fart like crazy too if you drank three glasses of powdered broccoli/cabbage/kale/god knows what else laced with inulin 😅

It's not often that I get a bad case of gas without having some idea its coming...usually even if I'm not trying to make myself gassy, I'll at least have that moment of 'I'm gonna regret eating this later..."

But last night was a nice surprise. Was sitting at my desk working on some stuff and felt my belly rumbling like mad. Soon I realized I had some pretty aggressive farts knocking on the door...I knew you all would enjoy it so I recorded them as best I could without setting anything up.

No idea what set it off. The only thing I ate that was new was some roasted cherry tomatoes with sardines? I've had it before without issue so idk. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth I guess.

Recorded these over the last couple of days. We had some pretty serious snowfall where I live so my plans of gassing out a movie theater (or holding until bursting 🥵) had to be postponed...

So instead I decided to eat trigger foods for every meal and share the results. I had a huge omelet with a lot of sausage and sweet potatoes on the side for breakfast yesterday, followed by a very nontraditional lunch of Blue Bunny ice cream (not sure what it is about that brand but it always blows me up) and a bunch of fiber gummies (which I've been snacking on throughout😊) . For dinner I had ground beef with more sweet potatoes and cottage cheese alongside some hummus. This morning I had a batch of overnight oats I made with chia seeds mixed in for good measure. That was more than enough to make my intestines feel like a balloon animal all day today 😁

Really wish I had someone to share all of this with. If you were there I'd bashfully hold these in until you could hear my stomach groan from all the way across the room. You could pester me a little because you know what I've been eating and how good it will feel to let all of these bubbly farts explode out of me. If I was still shy, maybe you'd snatch up some of my fiber gummies and wolf them down while barely chewing. Then a few hours later, we could just lay in bed together, massaging each other's bare and bloated guts and hotboxing the room with enough noxious gas to keep us warm through the winter🥵😍😘