sorry but once you notice how often ppl use a southern accent as shorthand for being unintelligent you can never unsee it. classism is baked so deeply and why are you acting like anyone who talks the way my grandfather talks is stupid.

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@twilightcunt
sorry but once you notice how often ppl use a southern accent as shorthand for being unintelligent you can never unsee it. classism is baked so deeply and why are you acting like anyone who talks the way my grandfather talks is stupid.

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since becoming a barista i have noticed a few very distinct typologies among my customers. such as:
the woke left: young and fashionable. visible tattoos. often enjoys matcha, lavender flavoring, oat milk, and cold foam. pretty decent customers.
sweet old man: drinks very sweet iced lattes, pays in cash, puts all of his change in the tip jar. sometimes orders hot coffee and i get scared that his shaky old man hands will spill it and he'll get burned but that has not yet happened and god willing never shall.
evil old man: only wants drip coffee and declares it ridiculous that any other form of coffee exists. some variants only want americanos and these variants are even scarier. watch out.
sweet old woman: might need her daughter's help to order but is very bubbly and open to trying new things. compliments baristas freely and frequently.
evil old woman: does not want coffee and only wants sweet tea or soda. will not tip even if she spends three hours in the shop repeatedly asking baristas to fetch things for her.
errand husband: either stiltedly recites an order to you or shows you the order in their texts/notes app. needs to step out of line and make a phone call if you ask any follow-up questions.
grindset girlie: always wearing scrubs, an apron, and/or a name tag. orders the exact same thing every day and knows the exact change she'll need to pay for it. her regular order is both extremely caffeinated and extremely sweet.
#mamabear: is actively wrangling two to four children while ordering. order changes repeatedly because the children cannot decide if they want a muffin or a cookie or apple juice or chocolate milk etc. for some reason these women are always wearing an article of clothing or carrying some personalized item that says "mama" on it.
schoolchildren: band of two to eight adolescents hanging out after school. extremely indecisive but generally quite polite and tip well.
amnesiac in love: grown adult who needs their partner to tell them what they like. gets asked a question about their own preferences and turns to their partner to answer for them. generally acts like a shy child looking to their guardian for behavioral cues if you try to interact with them and only wants to talk to mommy i mean their wife.
this of course is not an exhaustive list but those are just some of the most consistent Types i get. ok bye xoxo
someone fired a bullet through our bathroom wall the other day when we were gone, which is scary (but probably accidental), but the weirdest part is that we can’t actually find the place where it entered from outside... the wall inside is fucked up and you can see the hole where it came through, but there is no corresponding entrance hole on the exterior of the house. somehow the outer paneling was undamaged.
I think the exterior of the house is asbestos siding which apparently hides bullet holes really well.
There’s also a dent on the opposite wall where the bullet bounced off, and it looks like it had a really bizarre trajectory. Anyway, the neighbors say it was from a car chase where bullets went flying everywhere, so I’m not actually worried beyond “wow hope that doesn’t happen near me again”.
This is the most American post I have ever seen
“someone fired a bullet through my asbestos from a car chase” yeah fair
Imagine Grace defined his name as the elegance definition of grace and Rocky spends years thinking how fucking ironic this clumsy leaky space blobs name is.
Until Grace slips out a sentence along the lines of "could you give me a little grace here" and Rocky immediately points out he used a word wrong so Grace has to explain that yeah, grace means elegance but it can also mean mercy sometimes too.
And Rocky has to suddenly reconcile that the clumsy leaky blob that saved his life twice, that almost certainly doomed himself to come back for him, name is Mercy.
i appear to have made mortal nemeses with a pigeon
tumblr stop rooting for the pigeon
pick a side
team gaud
team pigeon
CEASE THIS IMMEDIATELY

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a good thread
if a slimegirl was really mad at you I think she'd go on a several-minute-long rant about how you screwed up, then drink a bunch of water and ask if she's made herself clear
because. because she's diluted now
gamers aren’t so much a sub culture as they are a group of people that marketers were able to create so they could sell more expensive toys
Which subcultures weren’t invented by marketers though
the yakuza
This is fucking killing me. Like what
Lend your power to me, lion...
Another one for "objectively funny crimes should not be punished"

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Yeah you guys can send me yourgrocery lists I’d love that
One like nitpick thing that drives me crazy is when people call Blue Whales the largest whales or the largest living mammals or some shit like that
Because yes that is true. But when you frame it like that you are completely disregarding the absolutely batshit reality that Blue Whales are the largest animals that have ever existed on earth through the entire history of the planet and they are alive right now today
This captures everything I love about being online
This reminds me of the time that I asked if anyone had resources on the history of Shinto and while nobody had book recs, turns out an actual Temple Maiden followed me on Tumblr and was down to chat.

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“bend over” “bend what? over”
I hate this place