Twitter's gone to shit lmao

that “if youre over 24 and still on tumblr it means mental illness has won” post is so funny. rip to you all but i’ll still have hobbies and interests when im in my 30s

I was trying to explain to my sister-in-law that I simply cannot turn on my car headlights if anyone is looking at me and she thought I was crazy.

Literally nothing more embarrassing than tying your shoes in public like oh look at me I'm a 5 year old because I couldn't tie my shoes tight enough to last a walk through the kroger

are y’all okay

no

nothing more embarrassing than being early for a meetup and being embarrassed that you look weird so you start playing with the notification bar on your phone pretending you're texting someone

what do you mean Just Standing There Ominously doesn’t count as socializing

Underrated form of intimacy: being silly together

@futababu

The ace attorney experience is being like "if I press here phoenix will undoubtedly say what I've been thinking and the trial will keep going smoothly" and then phoenix says the dumbest thing you've ever heard

Working in food service is so surreal because like... nothing I do for people is anywhere close to life and death, but some customers absolutely act as though it is. I look a woman dead in the eye and solemnly inform her that unfortunately we are out of oat milk, and I see her heart shatter in front of me, right there at the bakery counter at 8 in the morning. I feel like a handsome TV surgeon informing someone that their beloved fiancée died on the table. He’s gone... I’m so sorry. We lost him. We are out of oat milk

summer is just like ‘you will think gay thoughts and you will sweat’