Transhumanist Trash

THIS SHOW IS SO PURE!

Of course I had to show the best part:

⚪ man

⚪ woman

🔘 gorgeous youth

seeking a:

⚪ man

⚪ woman

Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade and Elsie were removed from view this week, The Associated Press reports. They recently joined the Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre's colony of 200 African gray parrots in August, were put in quarantine together and quickly overwhelmed the staff with their naughty language.  

"We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we've never had five at the same time," the center's chief executive, Steve Nichols, told AP. "Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it."

According to Nichols, none of the zoo's visitors complained about the parrots, and most found them amusing.

"When a parrot tells you to 'f*** off' it amuses people very highly," he said. "It's brought a big smile to a really hard year."

Still, keepers thought it would be best to keep them away from children so not to ruffle any feathers. They were separated and moved to various different areas of the wildlife center so they are unable to provoke each other,

Nichols told BBC News that the parrots "swear to trigger reaction or a response," so seeing people shocked or laughing only encourages the birds to curse more.

"With the five, one would swear and another would laugh and that would carry on," he said.

"I'm hoping they learn different words within colonies," Nichols added. "But if they teach the others bad language and I end up with 250 swearing birds, I don't know what we'll do."

Yesssssssssssssss someone finally asked it!!!

I’ve been waiting for the perfect opportunity to explain this and show everybody my inverted pyramid :D :D :D

I present, The Inverted Pyramid of Revising a Book

Now I’ll explain each section of the inverted pyramid:

THE FIRST DRAFT

This should be self-explanatory. You write the first draft. For novels, 75-150,000+ words of the world inside your head.

PLOT, CONTENT, SCENES, AND MAJOR CHARACTERS

Go back and fix it all up. Did you tell the story you wanted to tell? Did you include scenes and events that add up to the conclusion you present?

Are there any unnecessary scenes you could delete, or scenes that are redundant to other scenes? Get rid of them. If this means entire chapters have to go, wave bye-bye.

Do your main characters have believable back stories and arcs, and do they act appropriately in character at all times?

Is there any point in time when your characters do something that they literally WOULD NOT DO? Change that up.

WORLD-BUILDING, CHARACTERIZATION, HONING IN PLOT POINTS

Now pay attention to the deeper aspects of the story. Delve into the world your characters live in. Do they react appropriately? Does any part of society influence them more than others?

What does your world look like? Delve into the setting. The cultures, the technology, the history.

Work with your secondary characters and how they interact with your main characters. What role do they serve overall? Does the main character’s journey affect them at all, or vice versa?

Tighten up plot points. Stay concise if possible.

SENTENCE STRUCTURE, FLOW AND PACING OF SCENES

Now that the major parts of your story have been patted down, you can begin focusing on the technical stuff. Start broad.

Do you have redundant sentences? Do you start multiple sentences the same way?

Throw in short sentences.

Drop the pronoun from the beginning of a sentence every now and then.

Use commas instead of ‘and’ if you find you use ‘and’ a lot.

Does the flow of sentences and paragraphs fit with the tone of the scene?

Chop sentences apart. Use quick, sharp words.

Or combine sentences and flowery language and soft words.

BETA READER CRITIQUES AND SUGGESTIONS

Now that you’ve really patted this thing down, find people willing to read your work (hopefully for free).

Ask them to point out inconsistencies. Are they confused by anything?

Beta readers can tell you when things are boring or exciting. They’ll laugh. They’ll fangirl. They’ll beg you for more chapters.

Your brain is soft from so much revising. Beta readers are fresh, and will pick out things you’ve glossed over from seeing it so many times.

Shake things up and host a video chat for you and your betas! It’s a great way to make friends :)

PUNCTUATION AND MISSING WORDS

NOWWWWW you’ve finished all the major revisions and your story makes sense!!! All that’s left to do is get the broom and sweep it up (or the vacuum cleaner, or generate a black hole from the Large Hadron Collider to suck out all the errors because that’s super-effective**).

This is the nitty gritty stuff, and I highly recommend either forcing yourself to read really, really slow, or better yet, read your book out loud, start to finish.

You’ll trip up over misplaced commas and periods.

You’ll literally hear when a sentence is awkward.

Your brain will get confused when there’s a missing word.

Fill in the gaps, hammer down the boards, tidy up the place like you’ve got guests coming over.

THE FINAL DRAFT

OMG

OMG

OMG

OMG IT’S FINISHED AND YOU CAN SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD AND BUY PHYSICAL COPIES THAT YOU CAN HOLD AND SMELL AND RUB ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND DRAW IN AND DOG-EAR AND TOTE AROUND TO SHOW PEOPLE AND SIGN AUTOGRAPHS AND BECOME YOUR OWN LITTLE CELEBRITY!!!

Email the newspaper (I’ve appeared multiple times).

Email the local TV station (I’ve appeared on live TV).

Email book talk radio shows (I’ve had a Q&A for an hour on live radio).

……..Marketing is hard.

I hope that helps!

his girlfriend’s name is lulu and she doesnt deserve the naughty list for this. :C mac’s gone too far and dragged her down wish him. glad he redeemed himself

also look tux is such a bastard that taking him down = good behavior

im just losing my mind with penguin receipts right now 

and he’s pepper’s bf from above, who got on the good list while they had to call out tux for being lazy sldkjfa

u deserve ur spot in the 2020 poll mr. tux. go call out to UR girlfriend to get her food and maybe u can have a redemption arc too. see how well its working out for mr mac

REDEEMED HIMSELF U EVIL POLLSTERS

GOOD QUESTION I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

it's true, compared to literally every other rocky planet and planetoid in our solar system, Earth is just extremely... liquidous.

(and I'm not just talking about about our extremely spicy liquid iron core, either)

stuff MOVES here, where it really has no business doing so if you compare Earth to the rest of the solar system on paper.

continents skitter their way across the surface in a billion-year-long dance, smashing together, breaking apart, smashing together again.

on the other rocky planets, tectonic plates are locked tightly in place against their neighbors, or never even existed in the first place.

so what gives? why is Earth letting gigantic sections of its outer crust bonk around unsupervised in a way that would get it shouted at in a busy supermarket?

maybe invest in a couple of these, Earth

well, like just about every other weird goddam thing on this planet, it's because of water!

I'm sure you know about plate tectonics at this point, where the great continental plates float around on top of Earth's mantle aimlessly and sometimes make your house fall down when they bonk into each other? well, turns out it's a little more complicated than that!

see, they aren't really "floating" on top of Earth's mantle, because the mantle is a plastic solid, like a stiff putty. if enough pressure is applied to it it'll deform, but it's definitely nowhere NEAR liquid.

sorry to bust every single scifi planet-destruction scene ever, I guess?

so what the hell is going on with the tectonic plates? why are they so peppy and fresh? well, it's because the entire ocean snuck down there when we weren't looking, that's why.

see, the places where tectonic plates meet often aren't exactly geologically stable (as you probably know if you live anywhere near one) and they're DEFINITELY not waterproof. which is funny, actually, because most of them are... on the seafloor...

so what's been happening over the past, oh, 4 billion years or so, is that water has just been leaking down out of the oceans and into the mantle itself, creating a thick layer of mantle that's been completely saturated with superheated water!

there is more water in this layer of rock than in all the surface oceans of the Earth combined.

so the tectonic plates aren't really skidding around on top of the MANTLE, they're hydroplaning on the water IN THE MANTLE. which explains why they hit each other so much, actually. hope Planetary Triple-A covers that.

yowch.

anyway, the moral of the story is that Planet Earth contains more than twice as much water as you thought it did, and it makes the continents go brrrrr.

And like there was no permanent cast, all these celebrities seem to have gotten a scene or part of a scene to do (i’m not sure exactly, I did not ever watch Quibi and thus haven’t seen this yet), and then they just… recreated it as best they could. At home. Under quarantine.

So like, you had Jennifer Garner in a blanket cape playing Princess Buttercup AND the Booing Old Woman with a crowd comprised entirely of stuffed animals:

Or Taika Waititi paying Westley off a badly-drawn Inigo on a piece of cardboard held in front of someone’s face:

And it’s all just delightful.

But my absolute favorite part of this thing that I’ve sadly never seen but assume is probably absolutely hilarious and a treasure and I want to find it some day and watch the whole thing… is that Carey Elwes is in it.

As Prince Fucking Humperdink.

Here ya go