local ant wizard

tumblr is great bc its like a diary where I can take other peoples diary entries and glue them into my own diary

is that a ufo in your pants or am i bad at identifying your penis that is flying

got fired from being the entertainer at a bachelor party for twisting the groom-to-be's dick into a poodle shape

I feel so grateful to live on a planet with so many wonderful varieties of cheese

There's an attitude I've been seeing more and more of where having any kind of artistic opinion that isn't praise is seen as some kind of faux pas designed to yuck people's yum or whatever, and while I understand the kneejerk response behind it I do have to wonder like. How sustainable do you think it is to foster an environment where even the most casual criticism is met with hoards of defensive with Whoa Mama Mia Cunt Let People Enjoy Things style comments

Tumblr users will say "queer history" and mean "midcentury archival records from a specific US-American city that I have extrapolated into a universal mythos" and not even blink

"learn your queer history" I am from fucking INDIA

“get the fries, you’ll need the energy in the coming days”

Cmon man

would you still love me if i was a small iridescent freshwater fish

it must be so freeing to be as stupid as a ceo. not a single thought echoing through that hollowed out skull. you get paid more money in 20 minutes than a handful of small countries make in a year combined to say the biggest number you can think of and if your company doesn’t hit that number you get to fire all of them

sometimes i talk about how awful it was to feel trapped by my daily makeup routine and how i couldn’t leave the house without putting on a full face and it played a major role in the misery of my high school experience because i had to spend so much extra time getting ready in the mornings and that followed me into my early 20s as well and it was hell and it was so incredibly liberating to go through the slow and uncomfortable but ultimately essential process of getting my bare face back and having makeup be an optional accessory instead of a mandatory uniform. and the response always tends to be ah yes of course, because of your trans and your masculine. and it’s like aha so close! actually! I think if I ended up being a feminine cis woman I also still would not deserve even a second of that shit! I think trans women and nonbinary people and every human alive should have the option to leave the house without a single cosmetic product ever touching their face! but thanks for playing!

they’re called from software cause that’s what they make the games out of