gay

Jason: don't worry, we'll wait with you. police'll be here soon.

Distant unidentifiable voice, young sounding: uh, thanks, Mr Red Hood. and Mr Red Robin. it's ok if you're busy, i understand.

Tim *the crunch of gravel under feet* naahhhh, we need a break anyway, and it would suck waiting out here alone in the dark. you're giving us an excuse to sit down for a minute, honestly.

Distant young voice: *bitter snort* don't suppose you got any tips for when i'm in foster care?

Jason: i dunno, don't let these ones hit you?

Tim, chastising: Hood,

*distant laughter*

Jason: see? she's fine.

Tim: in Hood's defence, he isn't like that about child abuse because he doesn't care, he's just been through so much of it that he can't be fucked to skirt around it anymore.

Distant young voice: somebody as strong as you?

Jason: do you think i came out the womb like this?

Tim: yeah, Hood- Hood have you actually had a parental figure that didn't fuck you over in some way?

Jason: have i ever not been hit?

Tim: have you ever not been hit.

Jason: have you ever not been gay?

*smacking sound*

Jason: *cackles*

Tim: what about your mom? the one- the one you were with when you were a kid, not the biological one.

Jason: i mean she never hit me, but like. she threw bottles. she had her own thing.

Tim: *snicker* her own little hobby,

Jason, amused: yeah her own thing,

Distant young voice: i did not think my dad being arrested would mean a Red Hood childhood lore drop, i'm not gonna lie.

Tim: shhh, he's telling a story i can feel it.

Jason: well no- i mean, it wasn't a very fun childhood at least. there was a lot of responsibility on me to pay the bills and provide food, y'know? cause she like... cause she just wouldn't.

Distant young voice: *hums* preach.

Jason: yeah, and then there was this fun little- this motherly thing she liked to do, where she liked to call dealers over to our apartment and get high, and then they'd be like... 'where's the money for the drugs you just used?' and she would point at me unplanned and go 'he'll pay'.

*pause*

Jason: and i'm like six, so,

Tim: *wheeze* no- *muffled* sorry, no that's- that's not funny, it's not, it's just the way he says it i promise,

Jason: -so i would like. offer up my favourite rock and a handful of monopoly money, like, 'is this anything?' and then the guy would hit me with his gun. and i'd be like 'guess not, huh?'

Distant young voice: so what would you do?

Jason: i dunno, like, run drugs until the bill was paid off or take the money from our heating bill fund.

Tim: i can't-..... *hesitation* ok. ok i'm gonna say something and it's going to sound, objectively, horrible. but it's just an observation that's gotta be said.

Jason, audibly grinning: yeah, go ahead.

Tim: i... and again i'm sorry, but man, Hood, you say shit like that... and knowing how horrible the people of this world tend to be… i cannot believe you weren't sexually assaulted as a child.

Distant young voice: *choke of disbelief*

Jason: *snort* *abrupt snickers* ok that's- that's fair,

Tim: how were you not at some point a child prostitute?! like i know the kinds of dealers you would have been dealing with. the fact that you kept getting into debt with them without that becoming a solution is insane.

Jason: yeah- no, there was like, i remember this one guy wanted to, when i was like eight,

Tim: oh shit, i've unlocked new trauma- see how i feel bad for doing this in front of a civilian.

Distant young voice: i mean i am kind of invested now.

Jason: no i didn't- nothing happened. from what i remember it was like, my mom was told to pay up, and she threw me under the bus like normal, and this guy was like real pervy like, 'there is something you can do for me if you want me to let go of your mom's debt', and like, he was being real insinuating but i was eight, so i didn't fully know what sex was, and i was just like 'ok cool, sure'. and he takes me out of the apartment and into the hall, right?

Tim, warily: yeah...?

Jason: and as we're going towards the stairs he tells me he wants to start off with a blowjob, which- that's where i clocked what exactly was going on, because i didn't fully know sex but i did know a few working girls that would feed me sometimes, and i'd heard some of the terms they'd use. and i was like.... nah, actually.

Distant young voice: you just said no?

Tim: because historically that's always worked for everyone.

Jason: *snorted* no of course he didn't listen. he told me i'd have no choice once we got to his car, so i tripped him and shoved him down the stairs, and he cracked his head on the corner and died.

*silence*

Tim: wait, seriously?

Jason: yeah. i think that was my first official kill. that i remember, at least.

Tim: ...but i thought you and Nightwing said your first kill was that rapist you killed when you were Robin?

Distant young voice: wait you killed somebody as Robin?!

Jason: ok well first off, i didn't kill that guy, i just didn't try overly hard to convince Batman i didn't kill him because me and Nightwing thought it was funny. second off, Nightwing said that was my first alleged kill, not me, and i don't think i've told him this story before.

Tim: so nobody knows this happened?

Jason: i mean Batman does, it's on my personal record.

Tim: wa- wait what? how could it-

Jason: dude i wasn't a bat yet. i was just an 8 year old in a public apartment building with a dead body. i went to court.

Tim, baffled: you went to cou- you were eight?

Jason: yeah i had to go in and stand in front of the judge to avoid being sent to juvi. i had to show up and stand there and be like 'your honor, he wanted me to suck him off', and then i had to watch this old guy just sigh- like a deep sigh, y'know? like... he's been a judge in Gotham for far too long, and has heard too many fuckin' stupid cases like mine, and literally the case lasted about five minutes, because the cops produced their opening prosecution statement against me, and then i stood up in all my eight year old glory and said that, and the judge just looked between me and the cops and then just went 'ok fuck this he's eight, it was self defence' and then boom. i got let out.

Tim: ...huh. i mean. at least the judge was a decent guy?

Jason: yeah i'm still friends with him, he's chill. i will say--to be fair to Batman though, i will say, considering he knew that i'd been dismissed from a murder case on self defence and had killed before, i can't really blame him from seeing me in a position where i could have shoved another rapist to their death and been like. yeah he did that shit. he guilty.

Tim: that's- *slight wheeze* alright yeah ok, he might not have been stretching anything there.

Jason: yeah, like it was all circumstantial, but i do get it.

Tim: *hums casually*

*three seconds of silence*

Jason: -anyway you'll do great in foster care, no reason to worry kid.

IM BLIND

SOME OF US ARE BLIND

for the first half of the campaign - literally the first half - she's hiding who she really is. she's still brilliantly funny and interesting, but she seems not quite fleshed out - but that's because condi's doing an absolutely incredible job at playing a character who's not being herself. and then once she comes into herself and feels more confident, oh my goodness condi's so great at showing her self-doubt but also her silliness. she's such a good female character (and others in riptide don't achieve this so easily, so again i'm not saying it lightly) and it's down to how well condi writes and plays her story

so the first screenshot is trying to look this up on tiktok normally, "donald trump rigged election" and it says that search violates community guidelines.

the second screenshot is looking up the same exact thing, but with a (australian) vpn on. canadian vpn didn't fix it fyi.

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

Even if everyone else has forgiven you for the abuse you did, you must never allow yourself to let what you did be forgiven. Once you've done that, you've gotten to the point where you might do it again.

And if you believe the world works like that one other thing also has to be true: You know you are a ‘good person’, so nothing you ever do could be truly abusive. You could never truly harm another person. And if you did they must have deserved it. Because you are a good person.

And wow, does that not just sound like something abusers usually say, when confronted with their own behavior?

All of these steps towards self-forgiveness require fucking work that fundamentally changes the person seeking that self-forgiveness. That is the fucking healing process.

If you don't allow people the grace of self-forgiveness, then there is no room for self-improvement. If there is no room for self-improvement, then there is no way to heal. And people that can't heal will inevitably do monstrous things. Pointless shame just makes hurt people more volatile.