Too Many Games

Weekly Roundup (3/28 – 4/1)

Once again, enjoy the saltest posts from four weeks ago! This week I insulted someone’s hard work from behind a computer screen. Celebrate my bravery by showering me with love and affection! Or just read my opinion piece about Freedom Planet, either one works. Why Every Video Game Doesn’t Need a Story (Especially ‘Freedom Planet’) Link to post: http://moviepilot.com/posts/3844510 I really tried…

Weekly Roundup (3/18 – 3/22)

Are you ready to hear the hottest news from three weeks ago? Well your horrible taste in content will finally be fulfilled, because you’ll find below everything I put out from March 18th up until March 22th. How To Battle Professor Oak In ‘Pokémon Red,’ ‘Blue’ & ‘Yellow’ Link to post: https://moviepilot.com/posts/3823121 Man people love Pokémon, especially the original ones. I follow this guy…

Jackbox Party Pack 2 Review

Do you like fart jokes, making fun of people, and lying to your friends? If so, you might want to see a counselor, but in the meantime you also might want to check out Jackbox Party Pack 2. Jackbox Party Pack 2 is a set of five multiplayer games where you use your phone as the controller. Those games include: Fibbage 2, Earwax, Bidiots, Quiplash XL, and Bomb Corp. All of these games are…

Jackbox Party Pack 2 Review

Do you like fart jokes, making fun of people, and lying to your friends? If so, you might want to see a counselor, but in the meantime you also might want to check out Jackbox Party Pack 2. Jackbox Party Pack 2 is a set of five multiplayer games where you use your phone as the controller. Those games include: Fibbage 2, Earwax, Bidiots, Quiplash XL, and Bomb Corp. All of these games are…

Video Gaming’s Missing Experts

Video games age like fine wines, but their experts have aged like smelly, moldy cheese. As the video game industry is aging, games are quickly moving past the benchmarks that Mario and Pac-Man set in the early 80’s. Graphics are constantly improving to the point of photo-realism, stories and becoming deeper and more meaningful. Even the audience is starting to shed its neck-bearded and nerdy…

Even though we have more Star Wars games than Jabba the Hut has chins, most of them still can’t match up to this 1983 arcade classic.

In this game, you play as Luke Skywalker during the battle for the first Death Star. You shoot TIE- Fighters, destroy turrets, and ultimately blow up the big-ass Death Star. It had 3D vector graphics, a full soundtrack with music from the movies, and digitized voices clips of lines from the movie. Man, this game is fucking cool. Not only did it technically blow its contemporary arcade games out of the water, but it totally succeeded as a Star Wars game.

In an age so full of remakes and re-imaginings of old ideas, it's refreshing to see that in 1983 people were still rehashing the same old crap. 

Have you ever seen those internet ads that say things like, “HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR?” and then have pictures of things like birds with beefy man arms? This game is kinda like that, except in 1983. I think the creators might have gotten the “i” part of the title wrong; the main enemy is literally a gigantic eyeball that you have to shoot with lasers. I don’t recall that ever being a part of the Isaac Asimov original, but I guess literature is meant to be interpreted different ways.

Behold his glory

Original Painting:  Ian Malcolm: From Chaos by John Larriva

Holy shit I would rather take sniff some elephant poop than play this shiny turd again.

Tron stands out as one of the rare movie tie-in games that isn’t a piece of total garbage. I remember when the Iron Man game was coming out near the release of the first movie; everyone was so excited to fly around and shoot lasers out of their hands, feet, nose, and left eyeball. We expected Tony Stark under all of that armor and shiny packaging , but instead we got Grandma Jean and her arthritic knees in a Party City Iron Man costume. That shit was cray.

I had never heard of this game before playing it, but upon my first playthrough I found out that this was one of the games packaged with like every graphical calculator when I was in high school. Not this exact game of course, but some bastardized cheap knock-off. This game is like your older brother that got straight A’s and played on the football team, while the calculator version is like your little brother, the one that picks his nose and wants to be a “Sanitation Engineer” when he grows up.

It’s a shame that Q*Bert had to go down the unfortunate road that many former stars eventually go down; while once he could have dated four ladies at once and had million-dollar contracts collected like Pokemon cards, now he just huffs glue in the back of a Kia Soul, regretting his decision to ever do that crappy Adam Sandler movie.

At least he can still be remembered for what he once was. The original game isn’t terribly complicated, but the game it's surprisingly hard. I hope that’s not because I’m becoming a washed up old gamer, just like poor old Q*Bert. Maybe it's time that I hung up my keyboards and admit defeat…