chin check, bitch!

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral

fuck. I just had my amazing digital breakfast.

Jesus Christ. I have to call my friends Jax, Pomni, Eel, Ragatha, Kingler, Crane, Zooble, Spiral, Whisper, Whimper, Dr. Curmudgeon, Cryptotheism, Hollow Mile, Randy, Dan Randy, Zooble, Zort, Grindr, Lucky, Fucker 2, Edwain, Sorceror, BattleMeal, Mr Beast, and all of the Amazing Digital Crew to warn them!!!

Making eye contact with you across tumblr.

literally my dad

today’s date is the 3rd? what’s next, the 4th? the 5th? the minor fall, the major lift? 

baby napping. drop a huge plastic pitcher on my foot in the kitchen (and it makes the most noise it ever could have). nursery door wide open. Still asleep??? I make more noise. listen for any little rustling in his sleep sack. nothing. I finally go back to join him in the playpen where he is still passed out. I feel a sneeze coming. Softest sneeze. Nothing!!!! This doesn't happen to me!!!

nope nvm my FIL kicked something while walking in a different part of the house and the very small noise woke him up

My understanders will Understand me

and As Such . My misinterpreters will Misinterpret me . The price for speaking my truth .

I am walking onto the field. Haters are forcefully removing me from the premise