TMIthoughts

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

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Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

This is what a real, qualified OBGYN will tell you about what women feel when they get an abortion

acne

cuts

Scars

body hair in places you’re not used to it being???

fat rolls/curves

how much/how little they’re eating

how skinny they are/what bones they can see because of how skinny they are

How fat they are.

If they have crooked or misaligned teeth maybe even yellowed

If they sweat a lot

don’t do it

I was thinking about attraction tonight, especially in the context of getting hit on by sexual people, and it helped me to grasp the fact that I’m asexual in a very visceral and undeniable way. For some reason, though I’ve known I’m asexual for 5+ years already, it never quite clicked HOW I know until now.

See, I’m a very physically attractive person. I’ve become more attractive in the last 2 years, progressively, and I now feel the most attractive I’ve ever been in my relatively short life. I’m hoping my physical beauty continues to increase with age, especially over the next decade. I like being attractive. I really do. I may be vain or narcissistic or something but I don’t care. Part of my immense self-confidence comes from being proud of how I look, which took me years to feel.

So naturally, I like it when other people find me attractive. I like receiving compliments about how I look. I like it, to some degree, when I walk into a room and I can tell people are looking at me because they find me attractive.

On the other hand, when someone makes an overt expression of sexual attraction or desire—asking me out on a date or trying to flirt with me or a stranger approaching me in public and trying to meet me or men making noise when they see me, etc—basically, when it becomes undeniable that the attraction is sexual in nature and not just aesthetic, I get really uncomfortable. I want to get as far away as possible when I feel like someone’s coming on to me sexually or even just considers me in a sexual sense.

It’s not a feeling of offense or repulsion or fear or anything like that. It’s discomfort. Nervousness, maybe. I’m not sure why, because I do enjoy feeling as if people admire me aesthetically. I don’t think I’m going to get attacked or raped or whatever either. I think most people I meet are perfectly decent human beings and if they make an approach based on sexual desire and get turned down, they’ll respect my rejection, even if they don’t understand it. Yet it still makes me uncomfortable, just knowing they desire me sexually.

And I realized all those times when people silently or distantly take notice of my physical appearance, they’re most likely not just aesthetically attracted to me. They’re sexually attracted. Because they’re sexual people and barring a sexual orientation incompatible with my gender, if they find me attractive at all, there’s bound to be a sexual element. Not many sexual people I’ve met understand the difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction, so there you go.

I guess when people check me out from a distance, I assume it’s aesthetic and not sexual because I can’t imagine what sexual attraction is even like. So without an aggressive move unmistakeably indicative of sexual desire, my brain isn’t even going to make that connection between they’re admiration of my appearance and their sexuality.

I understand having a sex drive, because I have one.

I understand wanting orgasms because I want them myself.

I understand enjoying them because I enjoy them quite frequently.

I understand getting physically aroused because I get physically aroused by porn.

I understand looking at a person and finding them so incredibly attractive or beautiful or whatever because I do find some people very attractive.

What I don’t get is connecting all that shit.

And you’re probably going: “Well, duh, you’re asexual. By definition, you don’t experience sexual attraction.”

But I guess what I’m saying is, for the first time, it really hit me that everybody else DOES. I knew that before in the abstract but it never sunk in what it really means. Sexual people look at someone attractive and have sexual thoughts about that person, even feel sexually aroused by that person. What I experience when I watch porn, they can experience just looking at somebody they think is hot.

For some reason, it never occurred to me with quite so much clarity. Until now. I don’t know what I thought about sexual people before…. Maybe that when they find someone attractive, they’re experiencing aesthetic attraction the way I do and as a result, want to satisfy their sex drive because logically, if you’re going to have sex, why wouldn’t you want to do it with someone pretty? I’m not sure. I just never fully comprehended the bridge sexual people have between their visual observation of others and their sex drive.

Because I don’t have that bridge. Being asexual isn’t about not wanting to have sex. I mean, it’s true, I don’t want to have sex. Ever. But that’s not because I think there’s something wrong WITH SEX. That’s because I never look at another human being and feel sexual desire FOR THEM. I get horny, I get aroused, I enjoy orgasms, but I can’t connect all that to real, live people. I look at a person who’s attractive and all I feel is admiration for the way they look. It’s not like I go home and think about them as I touch myself. I guess I could try but nothing would happen, physically. When I watch porn and get really aroused, it’s because the sexual act arouses me, not the people in the porn. I don’t care who’s in the porn. I don’t care what they look like. If it’s sex, it’s sex, and that’s good enough for me.

When I see someone attractive, I don’t even necessarily feel the desire to touch them NONsexually either. My desire to touch someone or be touched by them usually happens in connection with the emotional attachment I have to the person. I could enjoy a cuddle with someone I don’t know just for the act of cuddling, like I’m sure I could physically enjoy sex with anyone just because sexual pleasure feels good in general, but it wouldn’t be personal to me at all. It’d be all about the ACTIVITY, not the person I’m doing the activity with. Sure, I’d want them to be attractive but not because their appearance has anything to do with my desire for the activity. I’m just fixated on beauty enough to make it a necessary component of physical acts I do with others.

This is why I can’t understand why I would ever want to even experiment sexually with somebody I DO have feelings for. That makes no sense. Why would I do that? Why would anyone do that? If I want to experiment with sex one day, it’ll be with someone I can pay or someone I don’t know, somebody I don’t have to talk to in any other scenario and someone I don’t have to give my attention to apart from the sex. Because sex is sex. And friendship is friendship and romance is romance. And how or why would I ever go through the unbearably awkward, inconveniant thing of mixing those elements? If I pay a sex worker or enter an agreement with somebody I don’t know personally to have a purely sexual, impersonal relationship, then I would get to be the one to decide when and how and how often the sex happens. And I wouldn’t have to worry about figuring the PERSON into my life or being figured into theirs because it would only be about the sex. If I were paying someone, they wouldn’t get to demand sex from me; it would happen only if I wanted it to happen and only for its own sake. Not as a way to access love or romance. (Which would feel wrong, wrong, wrong.)

As for why it makes me uncomfortable when people hit on me, flirt with me, ask me out on a date, etc (while someone telling me I’m gorgeous makes me feel good)…. I think it’s because as soon as sex enters the picture, I feel pressured to do something I don’t want to do. Not that the sexual person is pressuring me. What I mean is, if I know someone is sexually attracted to me, I feel like they’re asking me for something—hoping for something—that I absolutely will not give. Even if they NEVER ask me directly. I feel like that’s the only reason they’re talking to me or want to know me. I feel objectified, maybe. In a bad way. I want to be admired for my beauty, not seen as a sexual object containing the possibility of someone else’s erotic pleasure. When someone’s sexually attracted to me—especially total strangers—I feel disturbed by their desire because it’s like…. you want something from me I can’t give you and the extent of my value in your eyes is the satisfaction of that desire. And there’s something dark about that, to me. Even when it’s been a friend or acquaintance who got to know me and THEN asked me out, it made me feel really uncomfortable because even if there was some kind of romantic emotion to their desire, I still see that romantic feeling as inseparably linked with the sex part for them. They had feelings for me because they wanted to have sex with me, not the other way around.

I don’t know. I obviously can’t understand how or why other people feel sexual attraction, and it puts me off when it happens in connection to myself. Wanting sex is cool. I get that. Wanting sex from specific people because of the way they look, on the other hand, makes my brain wrinkle in confusion.

They say as they call all aces and aros “cishet.”

They say as they reblog asexual and aromantic terminology and language in out-of-context screenshots and mock us for it out of a lack of understanding.

They say as the make posts about how aces and aros are “disgusting,” or “should all die.” Or perhaps even call us monsters.

They say as they ensure us, the trans, the bi, the pan, the poly a-specs, that we ARE accepted in the community, while simultaneously discrediting all our experiences and testimonies.

They tell us as they make posts about how asexuality and aromanticism have no place within the community, and that they’d rather have straight allies at pride than us.

They tell us as they make pretend ace/aro accounts to create caricatures of the mysterious ~straight intruder~ adopting “fake” identities so they can join the Queer Club™

They tell us as they tack “special snowflake” labels on us and submit screenshots of us to ridicule blogs.

They tell us while also informing us that aces and aros cannot call themselves queer ever, regardless of other identities and orientations.

They tell us as they explain that asexuality is a kink and/or not an orientation, and aromanticsim is either exclusive to abusive men who only want sex, or a mental illness.

They tell us while arguing that the ENTIRE ace/aro community is homophobic, transphobic, and racist and therefore all bigotry against us is justified.

They tell us as they actively deny doing any of this and assure us “no one actually says that.”

“We don’t hate aces and aros, and neither do the straights; therefore aphobia isn’t real.” they tell us.

That’s basically anxiety in a nutshell.

Seriously though. Imagine if real life had background music. You’re going about your day and then suddenly, for no reason whatsoever (because your brain is in charge of your background music and in this case anxiety means its timing is completely fucked up), the tense “shit’s about to go down” music starts. And you’re standing there in a paranoid panic going “WHAT THE FUCK I’M JUST MAKING TOAST HOW THE HELL AM I ABOUT TO DIE WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN FUCK FUCK FUCK”… and the answer is “nothing”. Nothing’s about to happen. That goddamn background music is lying. But it’s still going to make you tense because that’s what it DOES.

“Wow, what a beautiful, sunny day!”

Kieren here. We get a lot of asks about how to accept being asexual when you don’t want to be. And it breaks my heart a little. This is going to be my guide for it. All the coping techniques I list are how I accepted myself being trans. It’s not exactly the same but the strategies will transfer for asexuality and aromanticism. All the asks I’m responding to are going to be under a readmore since there were a bunch and this is already long enough as is. Onto the advice…

I want all of you to know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you all for being asexual and/or aromantic. You are not broken. You are not unloveable. You are not any less than for being asexual and/or aromantic. And I really hope that this helps all of you come to see that for yourselves.

A lot of the asks sent in expressed a desire to feel sexual and romantic attraction or change your sexuality. The hard truth is, you can’t. Conversion therapy has been disproved several times over and is really harmful to a person’s mental health. Your sexuality and romantic orientation are what they are. And while they can be fluid and change over time, don’t count on that. It doesn’t happen to everyone.

First, let yourself be sad about this. Have a good long cry. The start of the healing and acceptance process is to let yourself feel that sadness genuinely. But the key is not to wallow in it. You need to build yourself up afterward. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel happy. Read a favorite book or fanfic. Watch a movie you love. Listen to your favorite happy songs. Write a happy poem. Snuggle a friend. Wrap up in a soft blanket. Take a warm bath. Do what you need to help build yourself up after feeling sad. You may need to do this a few times. It’s okay.

A good way to do that is to keep a journal (or make blog posts). Log your feelings about this. Venting your feelings honestly is important. Letting yourself feel your feelings is a huge step to self acceptance. Again, don’t wallow in the sad feelings. Bring yourself back up. Write a positivity blurb at the end. Then go do things that make you happy. Don’t let yourself stay in that sad space. that will only make it worse.

Next, start surrounding yourself with ace positivity. If you’re seeing a lot of things that put down asexuality cut them out of your life. Stop. That’s not helping you. Follow blogs that are supportive of all aces. Follow ace positivity blogs. Seeing things from other asexuals being proud and happy with themselves will help.

Also do some affirmations. Repeating to yourself that it is okay to be asexual and aromantic and that you are amazing and wonderful will go a long way. Find a short phrase to repeat to yourself out loud or in your head when the self doubt and hate starts up again.

Talk to other asexual and aromantic people. There are plenty of ace people on tumblr. Talk to them. Send them asks. Chat. I know this can be nerve wracking and hard for people with anxiety. But talking to other people like you is a huge help to self acceptance. It helps you feel less alone.

Again, all of you are lovely and wonderful people. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken. And I wish you the best in your journey to self acceptance.

-Kieren

SUPER IMPORTANT

BEST TIP

getting a blowjob is a sexual thing and it also does not ‘feed’ anyone whereas breastfeeding is literally not even a sexual thing a baby is having food that they need to live like it’s nowhere near on the same level as getting a blowjob omg

if you are uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding then that is your problem because you have oversexualised breasts so much that you can’t even stand seeing them being used for their actual purpose and also you’re an idiot

1.) Breasts as sexual fetishes is a (largely Western) cultural construction. Yes, it’s a fetish – anything you are sexually attracted to that is not the genitals of an adult is a fetish, or paraphilia. My professors have met non-Westerners who think our men are “like babies” because they are attracted to breasts.

Breasts ≠ genitals. Scientifically, they are considered secondary sexual characteristics – same category as facial hair. They can be sexual in a sexual context, just as necks and feet can be. But their primary purpose is reproductive.

2.) Breastmilk is not a “bodily fluid.” It is FOOD.

It is not categorized by the CDC as a biohazard, and so no you don’t need to freak out if your coworker wants to store her milk right next to your Lunchables.

MOREOVER,

Breastmilk is not just protein and vitamins. It is a living, dynamic substance that BUILDS HUMANS.

It has hundreds of ingredients (<— actually that list needs to be updated because they’ve discovered more already). There is a lab at the University of Washington St. Louis, where they have written all of the ingredients of human milk on the wall – They have run out of room on that wall. Among those ingredients:

The exact ratio of protein-sugars-fats that human infants need (cow’s milk doesn’t even come close)

Antibodies to pathogens in the baby’s environment (synthesized by the mother within hours of coming into contact with a given pathogen) and other immune factors

Stem cells. FUCKING STEM CELLS. (They used glow-in-the-dark mice to find out what they do!)

Hormones (support growth and regulate behavior)

peptides

Self-digesting fats (what the whaaat)

Growth factors

water, vitamins, minerals, carbs, etc.

prolly other awesome shit we don’t even know about yet because we’ve barely scratched the surface of this research!

These ingredients change hour-to-hour according to the baby’s needs. It will even add more water on hot/dry days. Fuck, breastmilk kills cancer in a petri dish. Breastmilk. is. not. a. bodily. fluid. It. is. liquid. gold. 3.) When you tell a woman to go to the bathroom to breastfeed, you are perpetuating the notion that it is dirty and shameful and needs to be hidden away. This idea is the biggest barrier to achieving breastfeeding goals in the United States. Because women feel ashamed, they often stay isolated at home when they should be spending time out and about with friends and family and having, like, a life. This isolation can contribute to postpartum depression. From the Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding: Women may find themselves excluded from social interactions when they are breastfeeding because others are reluctant to be in the same room while they breastfeed. For many women, the feeling of embarrassment restricts their activities and is cited as a reason for choosing to feed supplementary formula or to give up breastfeeding altogether. And since we have this culture of shame and privacy surrounding breastfeeding, young girls and women don’t see it enough to learn what is normal/not and how to do it, so they often give up when they run into problems because they don’t realize there’s an easy fix. Moreover, an infant needs to be integrated into society in order to develop properly. He/she needs to see faces and hear voices. Isolating them – or throwing a blanket over their head – takes this important component of their development away. It also often annoys them because they are understimulated. 4.) YOU NEED TO SEE IT. That’s right, YOU. Even if you are a dude. Maybe you aren’t a parent, but you probably have loved ones who are. Or you might become one yourself someday. And if you are American chances are you have no idea how breastfeeding actually works, because you never fucking see it. It’s messy and complicated, and hard. It used to be a part of everyday life, because there weren’t any alternatives – So we learned how to do it by being around it all the time, NBD. The whole sexualization/modesty thing surrounding breasts wasn’t a thing until like the mid-20th century. Check out this 1871 drawing of a woman breastfeeding IN FUCKING CHURCH: