#body talk

warning: mentions of dysphoria and body weight problems, read at your own risk. this is mostly a vent.

1. you straight up cannot see my urethra in the old pics bc it’s buried by my huge hymen, and 2. after practicing stuff etc my hymen is not so thick and microperforate anymore now and my urethra is literally right above my vagina. like it’s not inside my vagina, but it’s basically right on the entrance ring. i was alerted to this being weird from some porn images i was looking at where there was like more than a centimeter between them and i was like w..??? what ??

and ive been reading about things like that for awhile cause inside my vagina is also like, weirdly curved back on itself and extremely tiny and shaped weird and appears to branch off into two paths, a girl fingering me once (with one finger bc nothing else fits) straight up could not fucking find my cervix even though she could find some other corners like. it’s weird. and now this w your posts like. oh my god ? ive been reading about vulvar hypospadias now from some journals and this makes a lot of sense, but my version is so minor ive never had the utis or anything like i see most people have but i dunno. i have had issues with my uterovaginal system for all my life (pmdd in addition to this) but im also transmasc and i don’t wanna jump on OH IM INTERSEX just because it feels validating or whatever. like idk it doesn’t make me feel any more or less trans or masc or anything, but i worry if it makes me feel (for lack of a better description) “less afab” like im co-opting something when ive generally had a perisex life. (then again, navigating attempts to get pap smears etc have been Bad and Painful, but that also happens to everybody.)

anyway, um. idk what my question is here, but feel free to answer publicly and say whatever. idk if i will ever pick up the label intersex just bc again of what ive said but i have been trying for so long to find information about why the fuck my vagina is the way it is and i think you helped me finally find something so thank you for that 💙

tysm for sharing/reaching out !! i don't think you're "not intersex enough" or "not trans enough." you're just you, my friend. it's okay to have a different body and recognize that if you want to, whether you use the term intersex to describe it or not.

not everyone with V-hypospadias identifies as intersex and that's okay, but you are most certainly welcome in too. and as far as agab goes; intersex people get assigned a binary gender very often, and it's common for us to feel disconnected from that gender. but it doesn't mean our experiences with assigned gender aren't valid; just different.

also, my urethra is right on top of the vaginal opening too (but still external). there's only a couple millimeters between things, and that's not mild - that's moderate V-hypospadias.

not everyone with moderate V-hypospadias has UTIs as well, from what medical journals read thus far. and people with mild V-hypospadias may have no issues at all. everyone's body adapts/works differently.

IDK if u know btw, but there is such thing as a biocornuate uterus and septate uterus, types of Müllerian variations:

which may be relevant to what you said about the two paths and uterovaginal issues. this can cause symptoms like"frequent miscarriages (usually more than three), painful menstruation, painful sex, and pelvic pain" - both of these conditions are found in intersex variations, as is hypospadias.

i'm still trying to take in the fact i have this, too. initially (several years ago) i was scared that my urethra was a scar from surgery. i'm still kinda afraid that the bump part is a scar, but i read something today that sounds similar to it and is caused by V-hypospadias. IDK though.

so, you're not alone. this is a confusing and difficult thing to navigate on your own, and it's frustrating that this is so under-researched. but if hypospadias is an intersex variation in people with urethral openings on a penis, it's an intersex variation in people with urethral openings on a vagina/vulva, too. as always, the intersex label/identity is optional, but intersex advocates will be fighting for people with hypospadias anyway.

“Not here,” whispered Rose, lifting her fingers to fit over Vetrova’s, not even sure what she was implying with it, needing to touch but knowing she absolutely could not. It felt like there was a clock counting down her time to get out of the bathroom now, before Metros cap got out of the stall.

Disentangling her fingers, Rose shouldered her way out of the bathroom, abandoning her drink, pushing herself back into the bright light and overwhelming noise of the party. Vetrova came up right behind her, nudging her gently towards the suite door before heading out herself.

Rose followed.

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