Nobody here but us chickens.

Writers have two modes and they are "i haven't written in three weeks and i am rotting from the inside and everything feels wrong and i don't know who i am anymore" and "i wrote for four hours straight and forgot to eat and it's dark outside and when did that happen and i feel like a god" and there is nothing in between. no chill. no medium setting. just famine or feast and a very confused nervous system.

Everything Trump touches is tarnished. #Knicks

sometimes people experiencing psychosis and/or mania will come up to you on the street and talk in confusing or upsetting ways. your job is to either have a regular human-to-human conversation with that person or politely leave. your job is not to call 911. do not call 911. you might kill that person if you call 911.

I feel like this also implies that rome is somehow being destroyed by the end of the day

The Emperor Constantine loves Finius and Ferbingetorix's "New Rome" so much that he makes it his new capital and names it after himself.

I have a medical condition where no matter how many people are in a room I will find the one person who likes me the absolute least and become desperate for their approval

I spoke to the doctor about this and she prescribed 100mg of "stop giving a fuck about people who hate you", hiding it in a spoonful of peanut butter labeled "the people who care about you deserve more of your time"

Tea I'm sorry but are you possibly a cat

This is a good idea!

"Have your employers told you to ask me about my genitals? Because that's a terrible thing to do to you. But I'm not going to tell you about my private parts. Because they're private. I'm sure you understand."

The above is doubly true if the content of the email is something that will be important to the person receiving - especially something that affects them negatively. They see that this thing that affected them so much didn't matter enough to you to write it yourself. I was a bystander to such a thing not long ago and it was just awful.

i would trust weird al with my drink at a party. granted he may put one of those capsules that expands into a sponge animal in it,