FUCK DISNEYLAND

me tryin to get at that dick at the club

friendship is a game with only one winner

Why did they use what must have been at LEAST a 12 gauge needle on me at the blood donation center, just jammed that thing in me like I was a fucking Capri Sun. Just stick a straw in there and siphon it out yourself next time, Nosferatu.

When limp bizkit comes on at the bowling alley and you unleash hatred upon the pins.

boss... youre gonna wanna see this one (holds up drawing of a really epic awesome dragon)

i deserve some manner of military award for schlepping to the gym even tho im sooo tired today

in my videogame, the "pet the dog" button will initiate an hour long unskippable cutscene of tgirl petplay and extreme pornography

me at the convent: no god for me thanks i'm just here to fuck the nuns

my dead wife is boring as fuck and all of my flashbacks are of her farting loud

and shockingly tumblr perserveres

I once went to a petting zoo and got sooo confused. I didn't know where goat ended and human began. I fed a child dried oats.

Okay

I cried until I threw up

you know how it is with kids

i hate every hill i see from silent f to king of the