Do you like to use the term ma’am? Is it a southern U.S. trait? TBH without looking it up, I don’t know where it’s from exactly. Have you ever used a term, for years even, without knowing what it means? I know for certain that I have, and I consider it the consequence of language (within capitalism ofc). When is it appropriate to reflect on our traditions, comforts, colloquialisms? I know what I prefer, and also what I couldn’t recommend less. For me personally, I say ‘hold the ma’am, please!’
Some folks I’ve noticed trip up a lot in gender-expansive thinking and speaking. Is it ignorance of the significance, fear of slipping up, or specific denial of the request? IMO, if in doubt, ask, or use ‘they’! Our society is so ruled by binaries, and some people can get jumbled up when confronted with folks they might not have ‘noticed’. Especially during the early stages of meeting someone, or learning about the change in pronouns with someone you already knew.
It’s part of the learning process to make mistakes. Kindness in these situations means continuing to respect someone else’s experience. In these situations I find many people could use a gentle reminder. Dina and I came up with this PSA made this to serve as that reminder, a cheat sheet for those in public-facing positions, and everyone else too.
Please share with places that might use this reminder!
PSA, a collaboration with Dina Peone
