Always be kind

there’s been something beating around 

at the base of my skull

slamming it’s fist against the bars

and my pillows

and getting stuck in the final dredges of wine 

at the bottom of this bubbly glass 

my eyes are getting heavier

drier 

tighter

I’m thinking too hard about nothing at all

I’ll sit in the same spot all evening and let the sky

paint my mood

a peach 

a salmon 

a blue 

an overwhelming darkness

I’ll be tired and sleep a lot 

I’ll be tired and sleep a little

I’ll be sad when I’m alone

I’ll be sad when I’m busy

and there’s still something beating

itself around in my brain

and the bruises at the top of my spine

paint a connect the dots that I’m not meant to 

see the outline too 

I’m worried that the picture 

will be too close to my doppelganger 

I’d rather just not look at all

I’ll stay blind and quiet

I’ll keep the pace ticking along I think I’ve 

always had a penchant for keeping rhythm 

and I’ll wait this one out 

as I always seem to do 

since a risk has never really seemed worth 

the price of any kind of reward and my gut

has never taken me anywhere

worth revisiting so maybe 

I’ll sit myself at the bottom of the swimming pool

when sound becomes a weight against the back of my brain 

and the top of my spine feels weightless

severed 

silent for once 

the percussionist has taken a break

maybe her knuckles are bloody today 

I’ve got to be honest

I thought a little bit of blood was behind me I’ve left more stamps

than I needed to on different edges 

of my personality that you’d think 

I’d get the point by now

but I’m never a fan of listening when I could hear 

the sound of my voice instead

the click of my fingers on keys

the way there’s a loop of my thoughts in my head 

an open monologue to myself

a friend told me recently that I could speak to a brick wall

and get the same amount of joy from it 

I am too much

I am not enough 

I am too quiet and shy I am too loud and obnoxious

I am reckless with my words and timid when I shouldn’t be 

I’ve read too many books to have anything worth saying

everything’s out there already

I’ll drown out everything in my head

bang it right through the shower wall