Brighter than Sunflowers

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.

and maybe tolerating is all you can muster, and that's fine. that's all you need to be able to function without a breakdown! but sometimes, after your brain has finally realized you don't need to activate survival mode anymore in these situations, you might actually find that you enjoy a bit of socializing. i know, bonkers right? it's almost like we're social animals or something. anyway.

take it from me. i used to be firmly on the "absolutely fucking not" side of social situations. i regularly took F's in school for refusing oral presentations. i avoided parties like the plague. even amongst my own friends, i had a hard time handling more than like five of them together at a time. i was the kid who had a very hard time doing sleepovers at friends houses because the rest of their family was simply too much socializing for me. i passed on leadership opportunities in several jobs because the thought of leading made me physically ill. i was about as reclusive as it came. i simply did not have a social life to any degree. and then i got into a relationship with someone who was... i wouldn't exactly call him an extrovert, but close to one. plus he was almost ten years older than me and that age group (hello, xennials) just have an entirely different way of socializing that i can't really articulate. he had a LOT of friends. his friends were definitely extroverted. and they liked to hang out all the time. on top of that, he had a MASSIVE family, where as mine consisted of just me, my brother, and our mom. i wasn't necessarily forced into socializing with any of them, but i realized i would be missing out on an important part of him if i avoided it like i always had. and so i made an effort. little by little i worked my way up to tolerating these large groups. and he would always leave when i reached my limit, even if he hadn't reached his yet. and then it started being less tolerating and more neutral. and before i knew it, i was having a good time. i was enjoying the times we had group hangouts with the friends. i started looking forward to the next one. i was excited to be invited over for a movie night or to watch basketball. his family was still a bit much during the holidays, but i could sit and chat and not want to crawl out of my skin. and soon it turned into us hosting the hangouts and the gamenights, inviting more and more people that i often wasn't even that familiar with! i went to concerts finally! festivals! cons! i learned to finally accept leadership positions. i learned how to take charge on meetings and presentations, how to speak on behalf of a team, how to reach out and conduct business with complete strangers. and most importantly, through all of this, while i was learning how to face my anxiety of being social, i was also learning how to advocate for myself. i know that's a big thing socially anxious people struggle with. it's so much easier to avoid than to confront. it's easier to allow people to step all over you than dare speak up and bring attention to yourself. it's easier to just go along with something you hate than x, y, or z. but that's only doing harm to yourself, and reinforcing the avoidance cycle.

learning to be social taught me the power of saying no without fear attached to it. it gave me a bunch of friends - some of whom turned into family. it gave me an extended family and all the craziness that comes with it. it opened up job opportunities. it improved my confidence. and all of that came by taking small steps. be being willing to make myself uncomfortable. by being patient with myself.

it isn't a cure by any means. i still have panic attacks brought on by social situations. i still talk myself out of going to things i really want to go to just because People Will Be There. i still avoid. i've probably done a lot of backsliding since my move to cali where I'm entirely alone and without my now-ex-but-still-best-friend as an anchor for social events. but it doesn't control my entire life anymore like it used to. even if i'm struggling a little more right now, i'm still getting out ten times more than i ever would have in the past. the amount of socializing i do now, while somewhat minimal by most standards, would have made 12 year old me utterly terrified and would have sent 18 year old me straight into a panic attack.

Analyzing: Cute —>

Cute = [Human Infant] —>

Evolutionary Pressure = Prepare [Human Infant] to Survive —>

Evolution as a Social Species = Communication Essential to Survival

Conclusion: Teach [Human Infant] to Communicate via Speech —>

Production: Enunciated Vocal Sounds and Exaggerated Vowels to Encourage Speech in [Human Infant] —>

Their mother picked up after them. They were not required to take plates the kitchen or do the dishes or anything like that.

My mother, who would tell you she is for equality, came home one day, sighed at the mess of dirty dishes scattered about, and said, "Gayle, help me pick up."

"Those aren't my dishes," I said. "I picked up my dishes."

My mother sighed again. "Just help me pick up."

"No," I said again. "I didn't make that fucking mess."

She never approached my brothers and said, "Boys, in this house, you take your dishes to the kitchen." She did not tell our dad, "Hey, tell the boys they need to pick up after themselves."

It was, "Gayle, pick up the dishes."

And when I refused because it was not my fucking mess, I got lectured about being difficult.

See also: My brothers--in a classic dick-move of all siblings--figured out they could pop the lock on the bathroom door and throw it open, and I would freak out because I was in the shower and trying to get five fucking minutes of peace.

This post talks about a new DM feature in youtube. What it fails to mention is that as part of this new feature is that when you send someone a link to a video, and they open it in the youtube app, they will see who sent them the link. Specifically, your channel name.

If your google account name is your real name, so is your channel name by default.

This means the new default behavior is that everyone you send a youtube link to will see your full name if they open it in the mobile app.

To turn this off:

Go to your youtube app settings

Go to Privacy

Turn off "Channel visibility for shared links"

Someone over on bluesky posted this and I figured I'd better repost it here. It's the pre-RFK 2025 vaccination schedule for babies and young children, ya know, just in case it mysteriously disappears. Save this and give it to your child's pediatrician; tell them this is the schedule you want your child on.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”