The Apocrypals

stop derailing with Jesus's foreskin, this post is about God's genitals ONLY

Hi, Catholic here—the only part of the holy trinity with a human body is the Son (Jesus) so yes, but also God the Father doesn’t have a human body so no, but the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all the same being as well so yes, but all humans including women are created in the image of God so hypothetically He has everything else too. Hope this helps.

thank you it did not!

Using he him pronouns doesn't necessarily indicate having a penis does it gaudy

see that's gender studies 101 but i wanna force the catholic church to ADMIT it

Also for what it's worth Catholic God doesn't use he/him. He uses He/Him which theologians insist is distinct from human pronouns.

so the catholic church wants you to respect their god's neopronouns

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Mary Magdalene washing Christ's feet

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I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.

….yeah me too.

Me three.

Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”

I have not laughed that hard in so long I literally cannot remember when.

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libertarian jesus is fine with the whole betrayal thing because judas was simply acting in his own rational self-interest but suddenly becomes agitated upon hearing he got sold out for less than market rate

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💀💀💀 saw three very fashionable guys in what looked like dark, goth, androgynous fashion. i assumed they were fashion students, the kind who mixes issey miyake and thrift store finds and handmade pieces. that’s right, they were actually young catholic priests

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Between the water dwelling and the poison breath I think it's pretty clear that that St. George fought a a very lost komodo dragon

Like a really big one

To be clear he did still have divine aid in killing the komodo dragon

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prayer to whichever dead catholic person is most appropriate: may I not have to run a whole week of surprise camps on crutches. in a knee brace.

Im agnostic raised liberal protestant, but absolutely the catholics got saints right. Sometimes your problem is so fucking specific you need Some Guy. If you're listening, Guy of Workers Who Have Strain Injuries,

what the dog doin

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The two main dudes of Christianity

he looks like he needs a cigarette

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stop derailing with Jesus's foreskin, this post is about God's genitals ONLY

Hi, Catholic here—the only part of the holy trinity with a human body is the Son (Jesus) so yes, but also God the Father doesn’t have a human body so no, but the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all the same being as well so yes, but all humans including women are created in the image of God so hypothetically He has everything else too. Hope this helps.

thank you it did not!

One of my absolute favorite professors, Dr. Tupper (a tiny, elderly, white, deeply Southern Baptist man from Mississippi who spoke with a THICK accent), from my Masters of Divinity program taught about the genderless-ness of God by scrawling a MASSIVE set of male genitalia on the white board and then tapping it enthusiastically while yelling: "GOD DOES NOT HAVE A PENIS!"

This feels like something i should tag @apocrypals