i read an anecdote ages and ages ago from a gay person who grew up with gay parents, and struggled to find any kind of belonging in the gay community because everyone else there was bonding over having homophobic parents. everyone else was defining themselves by their suffering and oppression rather than by their sexuality, leaving this gay person to feel like they weren't really gay because they didn't have the right experiences. they wondered whether more gay people would feel this way as more children grew up with gay parents, if the gay community would leave them behind for not having suffered enough. i think about that anecdote a lot.
a lot of the current rhetoric around gender reminds me of that anecdote. a lot of people are willing to go "transgender people are oppressed for their gender presentation, therefore if you're not oppressed for your gender presentation, you're not trans." but i don't think we should be defining ourselves by our suffering and oppression. what will we do, in a few years, in a few decades, as there start to be, say, adults who were supported in their transition as children? what will we do when a stereotypical trans person can genuinely say they didn't suffer hardship for being trans?
i'm afraid i know the answer. i'm afraid that people are going to close ranks as they've already started closing ranks against intersex people, against nonbinary people, against double binary people, against closeted people. as some people have started closing ranks against people who transitioned in the opposite direction from them. as many people have closed ranks against people with edge case gender experiences. "i don't consider you to be oppressed, therefore you are not welcome to share in this community you might otherwise belong in."
i wish people would understand that we shouldn't do this. i wish people would understand that we benefit from a broader, more inclusive community more than we benefit from whatever purity testing oppression olympics it is that i keep running into.
#it seems like you might be vaguing about a specific argument or discourse so I want to state clearly that I'm not involved with that#BUT. I do want to say. You say in a few years to decades#There have actually been trans kids who were supported in their transition for a while now#my elementary school had at least three#one of whom was close friends with my little sister so I saw first hand that she really was being treated like any other little girl#up to and including the big tweenage friend group breakup rip#wherever she is she's 23 now#and I transitioned later but I was never really closeted just took a long time to figure shit out#everyone was supportive I haven't had to fight for jack shit#literally no one has been actually transphobic to my face#(my ex's mom was snide behind my back but that sucked for my ex more than for me)#the future is now and i feel like more people should know that (via @savouryduck)
this is good information! i would guess that the statistic vary wildly from community to community; i'm not personally aware of any trans adult in my circles who was supported in their transition from a young age, but i don't actually know all that many people in the grand scheme of things. i do feel like this also supports my ultimate point about who gets to be included; if we already have stereotypically trans adults who've experienced very little friction about their identity, then we're very late to grappling with the idea of transgender identity that isn't tied to suffering.
