Jenny Ratmeal🐀🍴

That day I found out what the OPM declared, definitely the worst of my life. If I didn't have the support of my partner and my community, I'm not sure I would have made it.

I was literally there with an IV on my arm for surgery, and they took it away from me. I was originally supposed to get vocal surgery back then in January, payed for with the insurance I worked so hard for. So that had to come in June instead, and out of pocket in Korea (15 grand in total, so like half my net worth). Not to mention I had FFS in the works, I'd probably have that done by now too, now I have no hope unless I find 50 grand on the floor or I fly to Turkey or some shit.

Bottom surgery is up in the air, but the waiting lists are so long hopefully the problem will have fixed itself by then, haha.

Whenever I complain to my coworkers about this shit, they are just like "you look good! You don't need surgery!"

They can't or won't get it. I know I look good, but lord forbid I just want see how I would look with some of the effects of testosterone removed, for shits and giggles. Of course they're like "your boyfriend doesn't mind, why get surgery? It hurts doesn't it?". Is it really so hard to imagine just wanting to have a vulva? For me? So I don't have to tuck for the rest of my life, so I don't have to start every walk with looking down to make sure my junk isn't lumpy? Like, I know they're trying to be supportive but telling me just to be fine without surgery doesn't make me feel better.

Why do I have to feel like a freak because to feel what it's like to be in alignment? Or, good god, I want to be penitrated so bad I would endure the gruesome recovery involved?

I feel ambivalent about that but I suppose it means I'm passing more often. Obviously it could all be coincidence or in my head but it feels like the voice is making a huge difference.

Some big country boy who is a contract truck driver at work has taken to calling me darlin', which didn't feel creepy or anything, just very country. Another dude, a customer, called me "doll" and he definitely did not succeed in making it not sound creepy lol. I think he wanted to sound like a suave Hollywood heart throb haha.

I went out skating today and got mildly harassed by some guy who probably did not have the cognitive assets to realize he was harassing me, but it was so worth it cuz like 3 different queer looking 14 Year olds told me I looked cool sooooo...

My partner just quadruple pierced me, now each ear has three.

Does this count as foreplay? because we are definitely about to have sex.

Holy fuck holy shit, I think the estrogen might be working

Remember ladies, if you ever feel like an ugly piece of shit and your face is sick and wrong...

Maybe you just need to trim your bangs and do your eyebrows.

It's pretty fun to feel cute without makeup.

Look at her, she didn't even know that she was gonna get misgendered 5 billion times by customers today and go have a panic attack in the supply closet

Like, having my hair in braids, with a flower, makeup, cateye glasses, very noticeable tits... Not enough for people.

Like, not a good feeling for basically the debut of my new voice to feel like it didn't help how people see me haha. It's so hard sometimes.

I looked like a dork in this picture, but a sexy one. I'm sure the other trans femmes can appreciate that at least.

There was so many pretty people. It's fun going to those trans women centric concerts and then seeing twenty 6 foot tall, lanky ass, brown haired femmes... For once I get to feel boring, like the lame common Pokémon you find in the first patch of tall grass haha.

And also they're all hugging and kissing and dancing and it's just a sight to behold.

Also I was front row with my partner, leaned up on the stage. Devi sure had fantastic stage presence.

Sigh...

Never thought I would stoop so low...

Feeling massively cunty today.

My boss called me into her office to tell me someone complained about how I smell (like a human). She like, acted like my mom and totally tried to infantilise me. Of course she acted like she was doing me a solid, like I didn't know what deodorant is.

And no, I don't stink. I smelled way more as a dude and no one ever said shit. So tired of the endless scrutiny. The se bastards so used to sexism and transmisogyny that pointing it out is like pointing out water to a fish.

Also fun that I get to wonder who the rat is.

But eventually it figured out that I can't look away from bra ads. I was shopping around at first but I have so many damn bras.

One month ago, I received a a form of vocal feminization surgery called VFSRAC from Yeson Voice Center in Korea.

So this is where my voice is at. It still takes a lot of effort to sound like this. If it gets a little easier and a bit less gravely... I will be more than happy with the pitch.