8 foot vertical leap!

girlfriend keeps a kyubey plushie just to beat up when she's angry so sometimes i'm running down the list of questions to ask to help her figure out what would make her feel better and "do you want to hurt kyubey" is often one of them

was measuring out some sugar and i scooped out one spoonful and fucking said "two." i didn't know you could even lose count that fast

It's awesome how having a headache can just turn you evil. Head hurts and now I wish every good thing in the world would explode

when i was born they rushed all the nurses into the room. called the whole hospital. Here’s the baby that doesn’t cry they said

we love to applaud performative masculinity

I was a stoic

Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

men with long hair are just sexual objects to me and for that im sorry

you know what? no. i'm done apologizing.

This post is how I've learned that the sexual meaning of "spit roast" has now become more well known than the literal meaning of roasting something on a spit, and the slangy way of using it to describe an ass kicking or a humiliating defeat is completely forgotten