The Night Mother

And to every child and adult who has a complicated relationship with their mother or caretaker--it's okay to feel conflicted. It's okay to feel hurt and love and resentment and pain and sympathy and longing and guilt bundled up into one big tangled ball. It's okay to struggle to reconcile the bad memories with the good ones that simultaneously exist. It's okay to be angry about the ways your parent failed you, and also aware of their personal struggles, and the way their parents in turn failed them. It's okay to recognize that you were loved but also that you were treated unfairly, unkindly. Contradictions are the natural state of the world. Multiple truths coexist. It's okay to be conflicted.

At minimum about 4.5 thousand people liked this without reblogging it.

we have got to stop treating all men as inherently predatory and dangerous

as someone that's spent a fair amount of time in the man seat now, I can tell you from first hand experience that it's a deeply unpleasant feeling to suddenly be treated like a constant threat. I'm a fully grown adult who knows where I stand and what I am (and am not). but I can't imagine what this is like for teenage boys and young men, who don't have the life experience that I do

I am sure there are some out there who will be all too gleefully giddy to tell me that, as a trans man, that's just what you get when you claim your Man Card, so shut up and deal with it. to which I say: what is with this sins of the father crap?? I didn't do anything to deserve this. no, I do not automatically deserve some falsely meted out punishment that you wish you could take out on your dad or uncle or whoever. trans people are demonized enough in society, I don't need to catch that from my own community!

but if you won't think of cis men, or even trans men... would you consider doing it for a trans woman? because I've never met a single one, especially any lesbians, that dont struggle with internalized shame and guilt from a lifetime of being treated like a deadly weapon

assume people are trying their best, want to be good and treat others well, and that when their behavior doesn’t align with those goals, it’s because of outside factors that are pushing them to their limit

i have a patron who is mean as a snake. won’t respond when you greet her, barks orders at you, and is generally nasty

i couldn’t stand her & dreaded the moment she walked in the door, until i stopped one day & went “wow, to walk around feeling unhappy enough to treat people so horribly every day. what a difficult way to live.”

and so my tactics changed. i made a point to be extra kind & friendly to her. she changed her hair color one day & when i complimented her on it, she was very caught off guard & said “oh, thank you. my whole life i’ve thought i was ugly.”

now we’re at the point where she shows me pictures of watercolor paintings she made & says hi when she walks in the door. she’s not my favorite patron, but she’s perfectly okay. most unpleasant people aren’t inherently rotten, they’re just unhappy & coping with it poorly