howdy

over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of these childhood protective things, we were smart enough not to do stupid shit on our own!” Except your little neighbour, who got the funniest idea at the age of seven, and got his skull pierced when he slipped?

“Back in my day nobody got divorced, we stuck together and fixed our problems!” What about your cousin, who was slowly killed by her husband because she had nowhere to escape him?

“Back in my day nobody had ‘mental problems’, we didn’t whine, we just toughed it out and endured life!” Hey remember that guy you used to work with, who seemed really friendly and normal, and then suddenly hanged himself ‘for no reason’?

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of this ‘gay’ or ‘transgender’ thing.” You did, but your family cut all ties with her before you were born.

A blanket on sale that she knows is a texture Shane will like, sesame mochi — the only dessert Shane will eat — David’s favourite brand of chocolate covered almonds (Meiji, obviously).

And when Ilya joins their family it takes a while, but Yuna notices that he always reaches for the dried mangoes when there’s a bag open, and he eats the Miss Vickies sweet and spicy ketchup chips by the handful.

So it makes sense to her that she would pick these things up when she sees them at the store and make sure her pantry is stocked for all her boys.

Ilya only finds out when they’re over at his parents on a movie night, and Shane, rummaging around the pantry for snacks groans “at this point, you have more of Ilya’s stuff than you do mine,”

“My stuff?” He asks, completely befuddled.

“Yeah, like the ketchup chips and the dried mangoes. Your snacks take up the whole pantry.”

“My snacks,” Ilya says again flatly, still not understanding. “But you all eat these.”

“I mean sure,” Shane agrees, “but my mom buys them for you. Because you like them.”

“This is true?” Ilya turns to Yuna with wide eyes.

And Yuna smiles softly at him, maybe a little sheepishly at being called out so blatantly, and shrugs.

“I mean, yes, honey. I thought you liked those snacks?”

And Ilya gets all teary and reassures her that he loves these snacks. He’s obsessed with these snacks. They are his favourite snacks.

And he starts noticing how anytime he shows interest in something, it will start showing up regularly at the Hollander household—snacks, candy, that specific Japanese soda Ilya likes with the marble.

-

*the JLA holding a super important strategy meeting in the batcave*

Batman: -the main priority is to ensure the safety of the surrounding area even in the case of a fight, so we’ll have people stationed around the perimeter just in case. Hood, can you grab me the signal flares from the store room? you’re closest.

Red Hood, walking over: *grunts*

Batman: *continues to explain his plan as in the background Jason walks into the store room, pauses, and then promptly walks right back out*

Red Hood: *sweetly, from the doorway* Robin?

Robin: mm?

Red Hood: would you like to go into the store room for me? my darling, favourite brother-mine?

Robin:

Robin, eyes half-lidded: is there a spider in there?

Red Hood: maybe.

Robin, sighing in exasperation as he starts walking over: you really need to start trying to deal with these yourself, Hood. you can’t call me every time-

The Flash, watching Damian emerge with a small spider in the palm of his hand while Jason refuses to come out of the corner of the cave: doesn’t that guy chop peoples heads off sometimes…?

-

*Aquaman, on a mission with Nightwing and Batman, on a platform in the middle of the ocean*

Aquaman: if you have your rebreathers then you can follow me down, it’s not too deep a dive to the site.

Nightwing: *staring into the water* mhm.

Batman: *watching Nightwing in amusement*

Aquaman: …Nightwing, are you ok?

Nightwing, still staring: oh- hm? yep. yep, i’m good. i’m- yeah. lets go. lets do this.

Aquaman:

Batman: he has thalassophobia. he doesn’t like deep, empty waters.

Aquaman:

Nightwing: *staring down*

Batman: *faux shoves Dick forward, as if to push him in*

Nightwing, shrieking and jumping back: bRUCE- I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT-

-

Superman: the victim’s in that room, if you need to examine the body.

Red Robin: got it, thanks.

Red Hood: so what actually happened to the guy?

Superman, as Tim leaves: well, it seems like the virus infects the mind and causes intense delusions. we think he was driven crazy and ended his own life. it’s… not pretty in there. he stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil.

Red Hood: *whistles* *pauses* wait. in the eye?

Superman: yeah. why?

Red Hood:

Red Robin: *slams out of the other room, falls to his knees vomiting*

Superman:

Red Hood, watching Tim calmly: yeah he’s got this thing about things in peoples eyes?

Superman:

Superman: really?

-

Green Arrow: shit, that’s a nasty scratch you got there, Bats. right across the eye, too.

Batman: *grunt*

Green Arrow: who’d you fight to get it?

Batman: Robin.

Green Arrow:

Green Arrow: Damian did that?

Batman: hn.

Green Arrow: …why?

Batman: he had a cavity and i had to take him to the dentist.

Green Arrow:

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow: wasn’t he raised by the league of assassins?

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

au where Jason was supposed to make sure Damian gets to Bruce safely but gets sidetracked by his crime lord/Joker revenge arc, and so on the night he was supposed to take Damian over to the manor he gets called away and tells Damian to just go over there alone, except Damian happens to spot Batman and Robin on patrol anyway and figures he just go and meet them there instead. which he does, and he goes home with them, and he settles in as a Wayne boy, eventually inheriting the Robin mantle from Tim, and it’s all normal and fine except for one thing.

Bruce has no idea Damian is his biological son.

Like, from Bruce’s perspective he just happened upon a small child with dark hair and an odd desensitisation to crime/violence with no other place to go and an interest in becoming Robin. that is literally how he acquired every other child he has adopted, this was Not unordinary behaviour from him. on Damian’s part, he had presumed that Talia would have alerted Bruce that he existed before sending him to Gotham, so he was under the impression that Bruce already knew Damian was his kid and this didn’t feel the need to overtly mention it. he just kinda showed up in the middle of Batman fighting a group of muggers, helped take them down, said he no longer had another home (he forgot the code to Jason’s apartment building and is too stubborn to ask for it again), and followed when Bruce told him to get in the batmobile.

i think Tim, Dick and Bruce would just assume that Damian is the product of some kind of trafficking ring/other horrible background that led to him being homeless on the streets with a decent hand to hand skillset, so they probably just. assume that Damian doesn’t want to talk about it. thinking that Damian will come to them when he’s ready to talk about where he came from, they just ask that he’s safe and nobody from his past is going to come for him. but the thing is, Damian knows from Jason that Batman and the League of Assassins don’t see eye to eye, so he presumes these questions are just about the probability of Damian meaning more league members are going to pop up in the Batman’s territory. so Damian, being honest, just goes ‘no- well unless you count Red Hood, but he defected so i’m not sure that counts’

so now Bruce not only has no idea he’s accidentally adopted his own fucking son, but he is under the impression that Damian is on the run from the Red Hood. and Damian is just increasingly confused by his family’s reactions to -in his mind- normal scenarios.

-

Bruce: and do you have a surname that you can remember?

Damian:

Damian, squinting: isn’t it… Wayne?

Bruce:

Bruce, tearing up as he prepares to contact his lawyers about adopting a child with no legal identity: i’m so glad you feel the same way.

Damian: ?

-

Bruce, the night they met Damian: and here is a guest room you can stay in for now,

Damian: thank you, Father.

Bruce:

Tim: that was quick. not even Dick’s at that stage yet.

Bruce: i know.

Tim: don’t expect that from me, buddy. i’m still kinda mad the fake uncle trick didn’t work.

Bruce: i know.

Tim: and i mean Dick left for Bludhaven, Jason ran for Ethiopia, i didn’t originally want to be adopted; it’s about time you found a kid who actually likes you-

Bruce: Tim shut up and go to bed.

-

Jason, interrupting them all on patrol: oh hey, you let the kid be Robin, cool.

Tim and Dick: *instantly jumping in front of Damian to shield him*

Dick: you aren’t taking him, Hood!

Tim: he’s free from you now and we won’t let him go, understand?

Jason:

Damian:

Jason:

Jason, side-eyeing them suspiciously: …aight. anyway, kid, you left your hoodie at my place. here.

Damian, catching the hoodie and sending Tim and Dick weird looks: thanks…?

-

i want this to go on for so long. like, i want Jason to be back in the family and him and Damian still not realising none of the bats know Damian is Bruce’s actual kid. i want there to be a really bad incident involving the JLA where Bruce gets poisoned/magicked in some way where the only cure that will save his life is blood/DNA from a blood-related donor, and everybody is freaking the fuck out because Bruce has no siblings and his parents are dead, so they have no options.