Amber's Magical Mystery Ride

I'm back in Thiefshipping hell... ųwų

1. It’s overused and supports the current status quote of typical vampire supremacy:worshiping rich folk.

2. Vampires prey upon humans and therefore symbolize capitalists preying on the working class.

GRIME I say ‘tis dirty, wicked, foul, and dark -- An opportunity both miss’d and scorn’d -- That vampires of any shape or shade Would drink the blood of innocence most pure When Pepsi costs a dollar sev’nty five.

FIRST FOOL O lady, I must ask, and tell the truth: Wherever in this God’s green holy land Canst thou obtain this drink for such a fee? I’ve seen no less than fifty-five pence more.

GRIME A hospital, good sir.

SECOND FOOL (Does some figures)                                And might I ask Wherever in this land (of any hue) Is fellow who two dollar thirty pence Dost pay for si of Pep?

GRIME                                    Not I, i’faith. I pay a mere two shillings short of two. And, once again, I pay in hospital.

CANADIAN JESTER I pay a hefty two and half for mine. But in my blood runs maple syrup, too.

GRIME O Jester fine, I pray thee, still thyself. Thou stray’st from this, our mode of speaking here.

FIRST FOOL But blood costs naught but time.

SECOND JESTER                                                 Aye, that is true; But sir, remember this in figuring: A Pepsi, too, is free, if stolen ‘tis.

FIRST FOOL I see, but -- wait, another thought occurs. Wherefore, I ask thee, for what reason, sirs, Dost Lady Grime buy Pepsi from the house Of healing, birth, and death?

GRIME                                             ‘Tis simple, friend. Allow me to explain to thee the cause. The Pepsi sold by those who follow in The footsteps of St. Luke, Evangelist Is sold for a mere dollar sev’nty five.

FIRST HARLEQUIN (Aside, to SECOND HARLEQUIN) Why wouldst a vampire drink Pepsi, then?

SECOND HARLEQUIN (Aside, to FIRST HARLEQUIN) Why wouldst an honest man drink Pepsi, sir?

FIRST FOOL A femboy, it would seem.

(There is general applause and agreement.)

GRIME                                    O fool, a what?

Enter KONAHRIKS De’ACTIVAT EDZOZ ESQ., a SCHOLAR and WARD OF THE SKY.

WARD You see, my friends, this selfsame story tells The truth of why the incubus’s tale Is one that bears to no more to be declared. I’ll tell you all my reasons three. The first: The wealthy ghoul who drinks the common blood Is overused and stale, like molding bread; But also hangs upon the teller’s face A pallid, gasping idol worship mask. The second mark I tally here along: A vampire who sucks the blood from men Does hold up in the mind a mirror cold. This mirror shows that, far from fantasy, The vampire is real, ‘tis Elon Musk. The reason third is simple, clean, and pure: A werewolf’s just, like, sexier, my dudes.

(GRIME dances like a ferret. There is rejoicing.)

Exeunt.

Enter LARA, FELAGUND, and SHERLOCK, accompanied by the MANGO MERCHANT.

LARA I feel these words have struck me to my core. Is this, the world, collapsing to the ground Or is it just my weary, shaking soul?

FELAGUND ‘Twould seem my lady needs to see St. Luke.

SHERLOCK I’ve heard his fellows sell a Pepsi cheap.

(The MANGO MERCHANT offers a mango. All weep.)

her ancestors? you mean her dad? 

y’all realize she was crowned in 1953 right? Nearly 70 years of imperialism with her face stamped on it. She’s the longest-lived, and longest reigning British monarch. 

Y’all look at her and see a kindly withered old gramma with memeability, but completely ignore the amount of damage that she and her family have done to so many countries. 

“oh well, what did you want her to do, just walk away from it?”

yes. 

Yes, I do expect people to look at the harm that systems they uphold do to the world at large and then actively refuse to continue their participation in them. I do not believe that is too much to ask of anyone, let alone one of the most powerful women in the entire fucking world. 

Sorry that I’m not particularly impressed with her #girlboss legacy when the Indigenous Peoples of Canada and Australia are still feeling the monarchy’s effects on their homes and families. 

70 years and she never once thought, “Hm, maybe imperialism is a bad idea?” 

Sudan (finished fighting for independence in 1956)

Ghana (finished fighting for independence in 1957)

Malaysia (finished fighting for independence in 1957)

Singapore (finished fighting for independence in 1959)

Cyprus (finished fighting for independence in 1960)

Nigeria (finished fighting for independence in 1960)

Somaliland (finished fighting for independence in 1960)

Tanzania (finished fighting for independence in 1961)

Cameroon (finished fighting for independence in 1961)

Kuwait (finished fighting for independence in 1961)

Sierra Leone (finished fighting for independence in 1961)

Jamaica (finished fighting for independence in 1962)

Trinidad and Tobago (finished fighting for independence in 1962)

Uganda (finished fighting for independence in 1962)

Kenya (finished fighting for independence in 1963)

Malawi (finished fighting for independence in 1964)

Malta (finished fighting for independence in 1964)

Zambia (finished fighting for independence in 1964)

Gambia (finished fighting for independence in 1965)

Maldives (finished fighting for independence in 1965)

Barbados (finished fighting for independence in 1966)

Botswana (finished fighting for independence in 1966)

Guyana (finished fighting for independence in 1966)

Lesotho (finished fighting for independence in 1966)

Yemen (finished fighting for independence in 1967)

Eswatini (finished fighting for independence in 1968)

Mauritius (finished fighting for independence in 1968)

Nauru (finished fighting for independence in 1968)

Fiji (finished fighting for independence in 1970)

Tonga (finished fighting for independence in 1970)

Bahrain (finished fighting for independence in 1971)

Qatar (finished fighting for independence in 1971)

United Arab Emirates (finished fighting for independence in 1971)

the Bahamas (finished fighting for independence in 1973)

Grenada (finished fighting for independence in 1974)

Seichelle (finished fighting for independence in 1976)

Brunica (finished fighting for independence in 1978)

Solomon Islands (finished fighting for independence in 1978)

Tuvalu (finished fighting for independence in 1978)

Kiribati (finished fighting for independence in 1979)

Saint Vincent and the Bernardines (finished fighting for independence in 1979)

Saint Lucia (finished fighting for independence in 1979)

Vanuatu (finished fighting for independence in 1980)

Zimbabwe (finished fighting for independence in 1980)

Antigua and Barbuda (finished fighting for independence in 1981)

British Barbudas (finished fighting for independence in 1981)

Saint Kitts and Nevis (finished fighting for independence in 1983)

Brunei (finished fighting for independence in 1984)

Hong Kong (“given” to China in 1997)

Anguilla (still a colony)

Bermuda (still a colony)

British Antarctic Territory (still a colony)

British Indian Ocean Territory (still a colony)

British Virgin Islands (still a colony)

Cayman Islands (still a colony)

Falkland Islands (still a colony)

Gibraltar (still a colony)

Montserrat (still a colony)

Pitcain, Henderson, Ducie and Oeno islands (still a colony)

Saint Helena (still a colony)

Ascension Island (still a colony)

Tristan da Cunha (still a colony)

South Georgia and the South Sandwich Islands (still a colony)

Sovereign Base Areas of Akrotiri and Dhekelia (still a colony)

Turks and Caicos Islands (still a colony)

as well, of course, as Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales, which are still a part of the British kingdom, although i am unsure whether the people in them consider their countries to be colonies

so, yeah. “ancestors” my ass

and that’s not mentioning that none of these countries ever got reparations and all of them (as well as pretty much any other third world country) are still victims of british imperialism

silly goofy au where tatsuya and the gang recognize joker as jun immediately, and tatsuya is absolutely infatuated.

Hands up, cowboy!

ask and u shall receive! based on my headcanon that karl has a cat called tinkerbell :]