My Coffin Is A Yeti Cooler

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

am i allowed to say kill all trillionaires or is that too specific of a threat

dude shut up. i know how to cum i just dont feel like proving it alright

i wish i could reblog all the i hate sex posts because they’re terribly funny but unfortunately it’s just not true. i don’t hate sex. i’m literally thinking about it while i’m on the clock. on the clock? i wish i was on the. well. i shan’t say

Your 30s aren't too late. Don't let nobody tell you that stupid shit.

Your 40s aren't too late. Don't let nobody tell you that stupid shit.

#as long as you're alive it's literally never too late

my beautiful wife, severe thunderstorm warning, is texting me 😌😚😍😍

one time i was sucked into the mirror but yeah