✨Hot Killer✨

I'm not single or celibate or a virgin I don't know why I keep posting like this I'm sorry for lying. Unfuckable is more like a state of mind than anything

I'm so unfuckable again it's crazy

Was what we had real or cake

It’s actually so misogynistic to assume hetero Jessica doesn’t also jerk it to twinks in panties

pop that pussy like a wagon wheel

My pussy barks

don't go into the humanities because they're unprofitable and don't go into stem cuz its getting torn apart right now and don't go into buisness because it's competetive and speculative and don't go into education because it pays like shit. Just lay on thr ground. Just lay on the ground.

you used to be able to get a job just by circling a listing in a newspaper in red pen

It’s actually crazy how much moving out will reveal to you about your spouse. Like even more than moving in

the generational gap between me and the people my age who were allowed to watch spongebob

every 4th of july I think about the american tourist who was like oh thank god you’re open I wasn’t sure if you’d be open today and I was like why wouldn’t we be and he said because of the holiday. in norway.

Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"

image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description