lottie ☆

My new period-appropriate crack headcanon is that the boston raiders once used akinator to figure out who montreal jane is and it kept telling them if was shane hollander and they kept thinking it was the weirdest fucking bug

ilya and shane are gossiping through texts even though they’re in the same place and troy notices and goes “man, i can’t believe you guys are texting each other right now” and shane and ilya stop and put their phones back in their pockets and bood says “i can’t believe we’re gonna have to take your phones away like they do with teenagers” and ilya replies “you’ve already banned us from sitting together and now we can’t even talk to each other?” and troy goes “you guys can’t sit next to each other without retreating into your own little bubble and ignoring everyone else” and dykstra chimes in “besides, you two are sometimes extremely affectionate, you don’t need to rub it in our faces that our wives and harris aren’t here” and ilya sighs irritably and goes “just go ahead and marry a hockey player” and everyone at the table groans and troy throws a little napkin ball at ilya’s head and they flip each other off. and shane finally says something “we’ll behave, i promise” while stroking ilya’s leg under the table and ilya winks at him. the centaurs had to separate the two because quite simply once they get into a conversation they just can’t stop and they simply forgets that there’s people aroud them. unfortunately they really are each other’s best friends and now they sit far apart just to participate in get-togethers with their friends.

ilya and shane are sitting side by side in the booth, being ridiculously affectionate like they always are, putting their foreheads together, rubbing noses, gently rubbing their faces against each other, giving each other a million little pecks all over. ilya’s arm draped across shane’s shoulders while he whispers sweet nothings in his ear and shane just giggles and looks back at him with the biggest heart eyes and ilya says smiling “i love you so much” and shane starts to say “i love—“ but gets cut off by someone clearing their throat and both of them look forward to find their friends sitting right in front of them and troy just groans “you guys are so annoying” and dykstra goes “i don’t know how they make me, a married guy, feel single” and wyatt says “i think they’re cute” and troy rolls his eyes and goes “of course you do” and then troy says looking between ilya and shane “you guys cannot refrain of touch each other for half an hour so you can hang with your friends?” and ilya just grins and goes “sorry guys, it’s just sometimes when two grown people love each other very much—“ and they all groan again and troy snarks “fuck off” and ilya, already having way too much fun keeps going “it’s just that when i’m with shane sometimes people around us just disappear and i can only see him” and he leans in to kiss shane’s face while shane flushed at the confession but doesn’t stop smiling at his husband and their friends just sigh loudly rolling their eyes and troy says “they’re insufferable” and dykstra goes “i bet if we leave those two right now they won’t even notice” and troy nods and they both get up and leave the booth and wyatt stays and shane and ilya stop for a second to look at him and wyatt goes “i think you guys are cute and if bood had come he would agree with me” and ilya goes “thank you hazy” and winks at him before going right back to kissing his husband, who is redder than a tomato but not putting a stop to anything ilya is doing and they’re just left alone in the diner, completely in their own world

and he’s wearing Snoopy footie pajamas….babyyyyyy

i love shane because in some ways he's just so Jock and so Boy like he has zero houseplants (except for maybe a cactus or two) because he doesn't care and he forgets to water them and his house would look like shit without a designer because all his walls would be metros blue and he has to hire someone to tell him what kind of clothes to wear and his favourite thing is Sports but i just know he also doesn't play about his microfiber cleaning cloths and he stores leftovers in glass containers instead of plastic containers because microplastic and you have to use the back entrance on rainy days because he doesn't want mud on his nice floors

i love when shane hollander just looks like a Big Loser. big loser energy. with his dweeby ass haircut and his hands in the pockets first day on earth stance and this stupid little smile on his face. like what an absolute fucking loser! and i love him!