Stuck In Them 20 Somethings

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

- People who exercise a lot get knee injuries from overdoing it

- People who only exercise occasionally get knee injuries from being unprepared for the exertion

- People who don’t exercise get knee injuries from being out of shape

STRETCH

For the love of God and fuck,

STRETCH

And I don’t mean for five minutes before you do “real” exercise. I mean stretching is real exercise, and if you do no other form of exercise, you have to stretch if you want to avoid otherwise avoidable pain.

Bring up youtube, type in “flexibility for beginners,” and pick a video. Don’t worry if you can’t keep pace or aren’t as flexible as the instructor. It’s not about being impressive, it’s about preventative care.

Other things you can do to help:

Stay warm. Soft tissue has a nifty little characteristic called thixotrophy which, aside from being a sweet band name, means they go from a more solid state to a more liquid state under heat and pressure. It’s why massage works at all. This will help keep soft tissue looser and more elastic, which will improve your range of motion. I sleep with heating pads every night and soak in a hot bath once a week and lmty it HELPS.

Drink water. Hydrated muscles are less likely to form adhesions (when individual strands of tissue dry out, get sticky, and basically glue themselves together) which will prevent pain as well as improve ROM. Water will also help flush dislodged scar tissue and metabolic waste out of your body when you pee, which is what you want…that shit aches and/or itches when it settles.

If you can, sleep on your back. (Ignore this if you have sleep-associated breathing problems like apnea or snoring…consult with a doctor about that btw.) Put cushioning under your knees until your lower back feels comfortable, and put cushioning under your neck if it’s not already supported by your pillow. It’s ok if you can’t back-sleep the whole night immediately; just keep trying and you’ll train yourself eventually.

If you MUST sleep on your side, use that neck cushion I mentioned, and put the leg cushioning between your thighs (from knee to pelvis); this takes pressure off the lower back.

If you sleep on your stomach, put that cushioning beneath your pelvis and ankles. Idk what you can do to help your neck aside from attach a face cradle to your mattress tho :\

Get massage regularly, or a reasonable facsimile thereof if that’s not feasible. Soak as much as you can of yourself (whether it’s just your feet or your entire body) in hot water. Use self-massage tools that you pick up in stores. Lay on your stomach and let the cat knead your butt.

CBD oil does nothing for some people and works magic on other people. Experiment on your own discretion and in accordance with your local law.

Get therapy. Emotions have a physiological component (hormones, etc) and they will lodge themselves in soft tissue and cause pain if your emotions are not properly addressed. (One time I was massaging a woman’s arm, and she asked me if it was normal that she was experiencing all her hatred of her ex-husband come bubbling up suddenly. It’s not “normal” but it’s totally possible/expectable.)

Anything you can do to keep your soft tissue warm, loose, and elastic is good. Remember, you don’t want highly-defined muscle tissue if you’re not actively using that muscle…highly defined muscle in resting state mean you’re probably dehydrated, holding tension, and set up for injury. It’s okay if you work out a lot and have “shape” to your body, but you shouldn’t have dramatic curves and edges when you’re just vibin, y'know?

cold muscles are muscles without a lot of blood flowing through them, and they just don’t have much flexibility. you can actually damage your body by stretching prior to warming up, so what you’ve probably been taught is wrong - you need to warm up before you stretch, not the other way around.

for some reason, i tend to have particularly cold, tight muscles in my upper back, and at first my massage therapist would knead at it for ages trying to get it to warm and loosen up, before he had an unorthodox idea. while i lied prone on the table, he would take one of my arms, position it in a certain way, and then have me perform brief exercises that he provided resistance to. i would push my hand up while he pushed back, pull my elbow back while he pushed, etc, and like magic, my upper back would be loose and warm in about two minutes instead of twenty.

now, any time i want to stretch something, i figure out a movement to work that muscle group first. if i want to stretch my quads, i do some squats; if i want to stretch my back, i do some rows or deadlifts; if i want to stretch my calves, i do some calf raises. 

it doesn’t need to be much - just a few repetitions will pull blood into the muscle, bringing warmth and elasticity. when you stretch after, it will hurt a lot less and feel more effective.

there’s nothing that can really replace the expertise and skill of a trained massage therapist, but if you can’t afford to get massages (which is most of us, lbr) or have issues with being touched, you can at least get some benefits by using a massage ball. you can also use a cheaper tennis or lacrosse ball, but it’s smarter to use one specifically designed for use on your body.

that type of firm foam ball is good for working out pressure points, while a spiky rubber ball like this one is better for breaking up those adhesions the previous commenter mentioned. yes, they are just as painful as they look, but trust me, if you have a lot of those adhesions, it’s worth it. sometimes you can actually feel the thunk of the muscle fibers coming unglued from each other.

there’s also a contraption called a massage cane, which i saw my massage therapist frequently use on himself. it’s basically a stick with a hook and a bunch of knobs that allow you to reach and apply pressure to tight spots you couldn’t otherwise reach or have enough leverage to push on, like your neck, back, and butt. (you wouldn’t believe how much tension you hold in your butt muscles and how good massaging them feels. not sexual, just really good.)

a lot of people also recommend those foam rollers, but to be honest, i tried it and didn’t like it. i had a hard time getting my disabled body into position and keeping it there, then applying enough pressure without it being too much and becoming really painful. when you’re already exhausted and in pain, holding your body up off the ground and then rolling back and forth is an unpleasant ordeal. 

oh, and one more thing: you need to roll out your feet, especially if you’re on them a lot, especially if you often wear high heels. the fascia in the soles of your feet get tight, then tighter, then tighter, it pulls the arch of your foot into a flatter shape, which reduces the shock absorption your foot is meant to provide. and once your feet get fucked up, your whole body gets fucked up. trust me. 

there are specially designed foot rollers, but i’ve heard a massage therapist recommend just using golf balls, which are the perfect size to dig into the arches of your feet. meanwhile, i accidentally discovered that some of my cat’s toys, firm little foam balls, work really well without being super hard.

Add your coping thoughts:

Those messenger screen names that haven’t logged on in ages, some before detailed profiles were a thing on those services.

Those emails that are long since abandoned, some with domains that no longer exist.

Those online friends you knew years ago and who then helped shaped you in some way, who you just can’t FIND anymore.

Those people who once were, and hopefully still exist IRL, that seem to have no known internet life anymore.

And those who have actually passed on, and their online lives are now a memorial to them.