god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

before this starts getting notes i have to add that this is not my dog. i dont know how he got in my backyard

someone made a terrible youtube video searching for the source of this dog picture like it's lost media and he on-screen scrolls by a live tumblr link to this post before claiming i deleted my account, pulling up a wayback machine archived page, and then lying about contacting my ex boyfriend for more information

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

sorry if all of my posts have a vaguely sadomasochist undertone to them. it’s because i’m a sadomasochist

some bozo with the username laundryguy47 keeps jumping in to all my Halo matches and ruining them. what he does is he turns them into some kinda laundry RP. ok, listen, what i mean is, when he joins the game he gets on mic and tells everyone to go to a certain spot on the map and pretend like its a coin operated laundromat and we're all doing laundry there. and they just do it. everybody stops killing eachother like you're supposed to in the game and they go pretend to do laundry for the whole match. nobody even questions it, they all just do it like thats normal. but that's not normal. its sickening and it cant be allowed to continue

some of the sessions have been kinda fun though i gotta say. there's actually quite a bit more depth to pretend laundry than you might think. lately ive been experimenting with pretending to use fabric softener

the most 2014 post possible

through pottery we domesticated rocks

efforts towards a "positive vision of masculinity" or whatever are so funny because what these guys are trying to figure out is literally "what's a way of being a good person that's Not For Girls™"

mm you’re being such an okay boy for daddy. could be better could be worse. you will receive neither reward nor punishment for your forgettable behavior. that’s my okay boy, keep doing whatever …

Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be relaxing with my hand in my bush for the foreseeable future

My doctor insists i cant eat clown food and that its bad for me

What even is clown food?

The food that they feed clowns to keep them docile and colorful

a warthog is a thog specialized for use in war

"subtext" and "buttsex" being anagrams of each other is an example of order and harmony in the universe