I wish no one else this curse.
Feeling this caged, to have no options because liberation is nonexistent.
It will always stay this way. My willpower cannot overpower my desperation.
I wish I wouldn’t care.
- confession from a bad feminist

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@thediaryofarevolutionist
I wish no one else this curse.
Feeling this caged, to have no options because liberation is nonexistent.
It will always stay this way. My willpower cannot overpower my desperation.
I wish I wouldn’t care.
- confession from a bad feminist

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I want love, yes I want it so badly. I’m craving it, im yearning for it. Yes from a man, as a heterosexual woman what are my chances.
Radical feminists (I am not one) make it so easy by saying „4B MOVEMENT“ but is it though? I dont know.
What I do know is, that it is perverted to want to be loved from your natural oppressor. I am aware but I cant let go of the feeling to be loved.
Experiencing it, expressing it, feeling it, all of it. I know right now radical feminists would call me a bad feminist, maybe I am.
I want love, not platonic love romantic love. I want to be chosen. I want to let go of my loneliness.
The loneliness I have felt since I was a child. I know that this is just another male fantasy. „Saving“ the woman. But I am out of hope.
I’m putting all my cards on romantic love to save me out of my misery.
Since I am a heterosexual woman, the love and saving I want is from a man, my natural oppressor, my future potential rapist and murderer.
So how do I let go off this feeling? Do I even deserve love as a heterosexual woman?
Is my political identity compatible with my desire? Will I have to refuse (romantic) love my whole life?
- confession from a bad feminist
Please hammer on my head. Push a nail in it. Make me forget. Make me forget my pain and suffering. Let me be new again. Awoken from the dead once again. Awake and lively, loud and bright. Now again let me live.
does anyone else get post hangout depression where you’re hit by a wave of sadness after returning from a lovely day out with friends
Yes I am a feminist yes I want to liberate women everywhere from the patriarchal violence they face.
But I dont believe that we will liberate every woman anymore.
I dont think women want to be free ,unlike any other minority, women seem to be at peace with the violence, discrimination and injustice they face. They love to uphold it consciencely and voluntarily.
I see how they fell in love with their oppression. Feminism is just an accessory now. It’s an item they put on when they want to, but they dont want to do the hard work.
Self reflecting, working on themselves and taking themselves accountable.
I dont believe in the word „feminist“ anymore. What does it mean? Every woman calls herself a feminist but doesn’t even know what it really means.
It’s just an accessory. You can put it on and take it off, when it benefits you. if it doesn’t anymore its accusation of „shaming“ and „internalised misogyny“.
yes I am feminist, but that doesn’t mean that I will support every decision that you as a woman make.
My responsibility as a feminist is to protect you, educate you and to take you accountable for the anti feminist decisions you make. I will not shame you but I will also not support you.
Yes you can hate me, accuse me if that makes it easier for you to admit and realise the position a woman has in the patriarchy.
I do not exclude myself from this, as I have said many times that I am also not a perfect feminist but I try to better myself, I look within myself to reflect and take accountability for my anti feminist behaviour but most of the times everything anti feminist is turned into feminism, which isn’t the truth.
Through my willpower and desperation I do believe that we will never be free. We will always stay like this. Feminism and its core will always be only a theory. The idea of a liberated nation will just be words and dreams. The end of violence will never occur.
We have reached the late stage of feminism, this is the end. So now we do have to really make ourselves comfortable with this. We cannot undo our fate.
You can call me a bad feminist for this, for losing my hope and giving up.
But I also have to be at peace with myself. I try and try and try.

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legend tells of a mysterious being called “nuance” that allows multiple things to be true at the same time. some say you can still hear its voice whispering in the trees
I want love but can I have love without being a „political being“, because what is love if not politics?
I have never experienced love. Never kissed a guy, or held hands with.
Never been on a date. Never been in love ( a lie) and nobody ever liked me back.
I want to feel it. All of it. Love and the hunger. The hunger of everything.
Lust and desire.
In my darkest times I think that I will never be loved, will never feel loved.
It destroys me; this feeling is so painful and lonely.
It feels like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m not classified as normal.
But ohh how much I want to experience it.
My Soul aches for it, screams for it. I never wanted more than this.
I am 20 and never experienced love. Sometimes I am ashamed of my thoughts but yes I do wanna experience love and lust.
I want to lose myself in sex and deep possessive love.
(About grief)
You will be okay, you will be walking the earth and everything will be fine. Day after day the same.
And then it will hit you in the least moment you can expect. It will hurt and you will be in much pain as well as despair.
It will be just like an old wound that never fully healed, which tears open again and again.
But that is okay. It is okay because it will make you realise that you can feel deeply.
You can feel things deeply and your love will have no end nor limit.
Grief reminds us that we are human. It is the proof of existence.
After a whole day of feeling nothing, it will hit you like the sun emerging behind the clouds.
It makes us whole again.
when u look at 2017 and think “oh that’s only like 3 years ago” and it’s actually 12,000 years ago and everything is gone and everyone you know has been reduced to ash and the world is completely different

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there is nothing too mundane for me. i will like that picture of your umbrella. i do care about your favourite flavour of juice. I'm happy to learn whatever is in your head right now
This is love.
I grieve every little girl, who is born into this world. I see their destiny and the fate they will encounter and I cannot do anything against it. I cannot undo it.
I look around me, in my room everything belongs to me. But one day I will not be here but my things will be. Everything will be at the same position, at the same place. But will be gone. My favorite parfum will be hall-full. My books on my shelf will collect dust and mold. My bed will still smell have my smell and my stuffed animal will never be in my arms again. Every pen I own will no longer be used. All the great notebooks
All my clothes will just be clothes who will longer be worn, ever. And my favorite ones the ones for " special occasions" who have never be worn by me will never have the chance to be ever worn. They will also collect dust.
- don't wait, do it now
I think many people don’t believe me when I say that I’m very sensitive, because I appear to have a very strong character. But I only have a strong character because I am so sensitive. That is what my sensitivity is made of.
I feel things too much, too deeply. I despair, I scream, I cry.
And still, I live and I laugh despite the political madness that exists all around us.
I want to be the change I hope to see.
Sometimes, when I see people who also claim that they feel things extremely deeply, I think they are lying because I also see their lifestyle.
But then I realize that maybe they behave the way they do, with their materialism and consumerism, in order to suppress their sensitivity.
Because feeling it hurts.

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Felt lonely at home, I traveled to Italy and I’m still lonely.
Since i turned 20 2 days ago, I cannot stop thinking about death. I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I will no longer get to be on this earth. I will no longer be able to see or hear the things I love in my life. Everything is just a moment and then its gone. I wont know how I look like anymore. I will be forgotten and forget everything else. I will never hear my favorite songs ever again and see all the people i love ever again. All the places I visited will stay the same and the earth will stay a floating rock but I will be gone.
I guess this is how life is.