Future revolutionist

Feeling this caged, to have no options because liberation is nonexistent.

It will always stay this way. My willpower cannot overpower my desperation.

I wish I wouldn’t care.

Radical feminists (I am not one) make it so easy by saying „4B MOVEMENT“ but is it though? I dont know.

What I do know is, that it is perverted to want to be loved from your natural oppressor. I am aware but I cant let go of the feeling to be loved.

Experiencing it, expressing it, feeling it, all of it. I know right now radical feminists would call me a bad feminist, maybe I am.

I want love, not platonic love romantic love. I want to be chosen. I want to let go of my loneliness.

The loneliness I have felt since I was a child. I know that this is just another male fantasy. „Saving“ the woman. But I am out of hope.

I’m putting all my cards on romantic love to save me out of my misery.

Since I am a heterosexual woman, the love and saving I want is from a man, my natural oppressor, my future potential rapist and murderer.

So how do I let go off this feeling? Do I even deserve love as a heterosexual woman?

Is my political identity compatible with my desire? Will I have to refuse (romantic) love my whole life?

But I dont believe that we will liberate every woman anymore.

I dont think women want to be free ,unlike any other minority, women seem to be at peace with the violence, discrimination and injustice they face. They love to uphold it consciencely and voluntarily.

I see how they fell in love with their oppression. Feminism is just an accessory now. It’s an item they put on when they want to, but they dont want to do the hard work.

Self reflecting, working on themselves and taking themselves accountable.

I dont believe in the word „feminist“ anymore. What does it mean? Every woman calls herself a feminist but doesn’t even know what it really means.

It’s just an accessory. You can put it on and take it off, when it benefits you. if it doesn’t anymore its accusation of „shaming“ and „internalised misogyny“.

yes I am feminist, but that doesn’t mean that I will support every decision that you as a woman make.

My responsibility as a feminist is to protect you, educate you and to take you accountable for the anti feminist decisions you make. I will not shame you but I will also not support you.

Yes you can hate me, accuse me if that makes it easier for you to admit and realise the position a woman has in the patriarchy.

I do not exclude myself from this, as I have said many times that I am also not a perfect feminist but I try to better myself, I look within myself to reflect and take accountability for my anti feminist behaviour but most of the times everything anti feminist is turned into feminism, which isn’t the truth.

Through my willpower and desperation I do believe that we will never be free. We will always stay like this. Feminism and its core will always be only a theory. The idea of a liberated nation will just be words and dreams. The end of violence will never occur.

We have reached the late stage of feminism, this is the end. So now we do have to really make ourselves comfortable with this. We cannot undo our fate.

You can call me a bad feminist for this, for losing my hope and giving up.

Never been on a date. Never been in love ( a lie) and nobody ever liked me back.

I want to feel it. All of it. Love and the hunger. The hunger of everything.

Lust and desire.

In my darkest times I think that I will never be loved, will never feel loved.

It destroys me; this feeling is so painful and lonely.

It feels like I’m missing out on something. Like I’m not classified as normal.

But ohh how much I want to experience it.

My Soul aches for it, screams for it. I never wanted more than this.

I am 20 and never experienced love. Sometimes I am ashamed of my thoughts but yes I do wanna experience love and lust.

You will be okay, you will be walking the earth and everything will be fine. Day after day the same.

And then it will hit you in the least moment you can expect. It will hurt and you will be in much pain as well as despair.

It will be just like an old wound that never fully healed, which tears open again and again.

But that is okay. It is okay because it will make you realise that you can feel deeply.

You can feel things deeply and your love will have no end nor limit.

Grief reminds us that we are human. It is the proof of existence.

After a whole day of feeling nothing, it will hit you like the sun emerging behind the clouds.

All my clothes will just be clothes who will longer be worn, ever. And my favorite ones the ones for " special occasions" who have never be worn by me will never have the chance to be ever worn. They will also collect dust.

I feel things too much, too deeply. I despair, I scream, I cry.

And still, I live and I laugh despite the political madness that exists all around us.

I want to be the change I hope to see.

Sometimes, when I see people who also claim that they feel things extremely deeply, I think they are lying because I also see their lifestyle.

But then I realize that maybe they behave the way they do, with their materialism and consumerism, in order to suppress their sensitivity.