Wildly Inconsistent

at the grocery store i bought 2 limes and a lemon and the checker said to me "two limes and a lemon... Anything could happen"

The worst thing in the entire world is when you’re sweeping a big pile of dirt into a dustpan and it leaves that little coke line of grit behind. No matter how you position your pan or your broom and no matter how many times you sweep over it your outcome cannot change. As immovable as fate. I hate it so

I feel like the legal institution of adoption is unreasonably limited by restricting it to parent-child relationships. If me and some random asshole want to legally be second cousins, I think we should just be able to do that.

a scooby doo series set in community college where the gang is in a criminology class and end up in a huge debate on the first day of class that leads to them starting a podcast talking about local urban legends, only to realize things aren’t quite adding up and they go to investigate for ~journalistic authenticity~ and end up solving a real-life crime disguised as supernatural occurrences. this happens every week and they’re frequently featured on the school newspaper. they only have twenty listeners

i was feeling silly at the gas station today so i said to the cashier that i’ll take my gas “to go” and i could see her imagining what it would be like to jump over the counter and strangle me to death

Something I love about Tumblr is having over a thousand followers and yet absolutely zero activity when I make a post. Thank you everybody for ignoring me 🙏🙏 allow my sillyness to slip into the silent succulent dark

The dude I used to buy honey from at the farmer’s market once brought his bees along in a little glass hive. Like a bee field trip.

in recent events of that zoo losing the clouded leopard, it reminded me of the time i went to a large petting zoo and there was a free roaming little black sheep. cutest little guy i ever saw, soi went to the zookeeper nearby and said ‘i think its really cute how you have a sheep thats allowed to just walk around. ‘ then the zookeepers eyes widened and he grabbed his walky talky and ran