Cody the Cat

You don't have to be crazy to be my friend. It will just happen. Give it time.

You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident".

Happy International Cat Day

Is there a refund for this being an adult thing or what?

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I'm thinking out loud

My mind isn't twisted. It's strategically bent in some places.

I have selective hearing. I'm sorry. You were not selected.

Keep talking. I'm diagnosing you.

Happy Father's Day

Revenge is beneath me. However, accidents can happen.

I don't understand your specific kind of crazy but I admire your total commitment to it

I adore spontaneity, provided it's carefully planned.

Crazy? I prefer the term "hilariously unstable".

Saying "have a nice day" to someone sounds friendly. But saying "enjoy your next 24 hours" sounds threatening.

All I know is one of us is right and the other one is you

When I said, "How stupid can you be?", it wasn't a challenge.

Easter is the only time it’s okay to put all your eggs in one basket