Cannibal Kitty

ok i regret not unmuting this earlier

the wailing phantom

This is what we do to the guys. Back at the lab.

i have truly posted some things online

to the window to the walls to the corner dick and balls

reblog to give writers the power to write 10k words of porn without plot

over tourism is ruining the beach that makes you old

it doesn't even make you that old anymore.

last time i went i saw a baby there. that shouldn’t even be possible

you cut me in line at the grocery store and next time you see me im wearing the collar your dead childhood dog used to wear

they got married btw

the enlightened pervert can look beyond kink to find meaning. and then get horny about the meaning instead.

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

why does everything cost money

I hear you can pour river water into your socks for free

First humans ever to leave the solar system suddenly drop out of communications and the ship can't be found with any equipment. After one month of no contact their home countries start reluctantly holding funerals for the space heroes only for them all to turn up, healthy, well fed and extremely disoriented, in the middle of Tokyo, talking about alien abduction. Turns out that aliens found the poor humans straying out of their solar system, presumably lost, and took them to Alien Wildlife Rehabilitation before dumping them back in the middle of their native habitat.

I’ll bet they have cool new tattoos that turn out to be tracking devices too. Just in case these spirited individuals try to make another break for it.

... do the tats make them stupid popular, like that time scientists gave birds tracker anklets and it accidentally made them ultra fuckable

Let’s say yes. Those alien scientists are learning so much, and none of it is accurate.

It is simply not fulfilling to enjoy media in the height of its popularity. You need to show up so late to the party that everybody else is gone and the hosts are asleep so you can rummage through their trash for chip dip and stale hors d’oeurves to eat alone in the dark like a dirty little raccoon secret