No Sense Of Me

Adhara's post introduction: Hiii lovebugs!! This post is not only to help you all navigate the world of tarot, but for anyone who thought of using but doesn't know how!!

A log of people know that tarot is used not only in hellenic paganism, but also in other areas of paganism and spirituality!

Now, how can you use tarot on your devotional path? Here's 4 tips of how to do it!!

1. You can use tarot to identify which Deity you're talking to;

A lot of Deities have their tarot cards, both hellenic and not, you can use this when you're feeling confused or think that your intuition is weak regarding which Deity is taking care of you!!

2. Ask them about how to improve your relationship with them;

This is something that can help you a lot, make it easy to get closer and more confident towards your relationship with your Deity!!

3. Use your tarot to identify how the Deities feel regarding your actions as whole;

This way, you can see if you need to improve anything about yourself and how to be a good devotee for your Deity!!

4. Use your tarot to identify how your path with determined Deity will be;

You can see if it will be a deeper relationship or just a relationship that once you reach what your Deity wants you to reach, you two will part ways!!! After all, not all Deities will stay in your life forever!!

sure

people who's memories are getting worse every day, who's memories are stable but poor, people who can't remember what they did today or yesterday or this week, people who's childhoods are a faded blur. people who have slow greying-out amnesia that seems to just fade in and out of existence, and people who have complete blackouts, and people who have both. people who mourn the happy memories they know they've lost, who fear the bad memories they've lost that still affect them.

people who have "emotional amnesia" that makes it feel like none of their memories are their own, because there's few or no feelings attached. people who can ONLY remember the feelings from certain or even most memories, not actual events. people who's memory issues scare them or make them angry or make them miserable. people who's memory issues get them called childish or difficult or rude. who can't remember the names or faces of those they love. who are constantly forgetting the things that "you'd remember if you really cared". who misplace everything. who remember so little of their lives that they barely know who they are. people who's memory issues come from trauma/dissociation, ADHD, traumatic brain injury, brain fog/chronic fatigue, drug use, alcoholism. people who have no idea what causes their memory issues. people who's memory issues come from something else entirely.

This is not to deny someone’s experience, but more of a gentle reminder that if your experiences with plurality causes genuine distress? You may want to learn more about how dissociative disorders impact functions.

I don’t really understand any labels outside of traumagenic and maybe endogenic. I can’t even begin to really wrap my head around plurality not causing dissociation—it’s just not my experience at all. It’s a big reason why I decline arguing in any debates, but I have a pretty good idea of how my DID has impacted me.

I will feel like shit and not understand why because my emotions are highly fragmented. There could be something wrong, I could feel it occasionally, but I have no clue at all why I am experiencing this level of distress.

I know of a major traumatic experience in my childhood that could have caused my DID, but I genuinely remember little to nothing about my life and the factors are endless. When I do find stuff talking about my experiences, it sets me back and almost “triggers me” back into a state where I was during that time (I have no recollection still even after these triggers happen).

Skills and knowledge are somewhat distinctive between parts. Some parts have had full blown meltdowns because they didn’t understand an assignment, and when someone else switched in, they knew exactly what to do.

“Wishing to be a system” played a huge part in my formation, but it wasn’t wishing to be a system. It was wishing I had someone to talk to/had friends surrounding me because I was emotionally neglected as a child—this was around ages 6-10, so this thought process had a lot of impacts. I verbally talked to these parts and they often knew information I never remembered learning, and they often came around the most when I was lonely.

I don’t have a stable identity, and I haven’t had one for the entirety of my life. If I try to sit and think about it, my head will turn to TV static and shut off any chance of understanding my situation. I spend about 80-90% of my time going through the motions of life without any acknowledgment of my identity, thoughts, feelings, sensations, or perceptions in life.

Trauma doesn’t have to be a serious case of SA or physical abuse, it is possible it could be years of emotional neglect causing you to turn inward. Bullying, oppression, poverty, disability, physical illness, messy divorces/parents NOT divorcing, war, and many other issues are extremely taxing on a child.

This disorder is covert and nearly undetectable in most cases. Sometimes this means that it’s nearly impossible to see in ourselves. The whole point is to hide and make sure we “function” correctly in society, even at the expense of ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism our brain decided was the safest route to survive.

Identity disruptions, memory gaps, and all these things are not stable, concrete experiences. They are fluid. They can be wildly inconsistent, and you don’t have to be on the far end of the spectrum to experience these issues.

I’m not saying this as a genuine diagnosis of “You MUST have DID” because there are many different aspects that could impact this. I know that there are also like- labels that encompass different aspects that include trauma. However, this is just something I have noticed while scrolling through tumblr recently. This also isn’t targeted in any way, but if it resonates with you, I think learning about DID in medical contexts isn’t a bad idea (or at least learning of dissociation).

1. A lot of times people don't understand the level of trauma they have been through because it's seemed so normal to them

2. Being aware of a rough childhood doesn't mean you're aware of the trauma. The disorders are really good at blocking memories.

3. Some systems don't know or refuse to acknowledge the trauma part. Or they have all that packed away in sub systems that can't exactly be accessed by the rest of the system. It's like one of your alters has did inside the system

4. Denial is part of the disorder. I can have a full conversation with my headmates about how I don't have did and then one of them points out the convo I'm having with them.

5. Not every system desires to work through trauma. Sometimes it's safer for the system to work toward functioning without the trauma focus.

6. The brain is fucking weird and does cool shit to keep you safe