#adhd-c

I'm also diagnosed and I take meds for it. But here's the catch;

When I'm medicated, everything slows down. Now I can just Do Stuff when I need to, I can just accomplish all of my tasks and finally write.

Finally write. Expect my ideas aren't as interesting. My writing isn't as unique. Suddenly that one fanfiction I've been wanting to work on seems boring.

I can sit down and write if I want to, but now it feels like another one of the chores these meds are allowing me to do. I could do it, but it's... joyless.

I talked about it with my psychiatrist and she told me Tom your brain is now grounded to the present. You're experiencing a life that isn't as frenetic as your mind made it out to be. This is normal. People enjoy their hobbies peacefully and in small doses. It's normal and good that you don't feel consumed by the desire to write constantly.

Then why does this feel like grief.

I'm emotionless and calm, I don't care about bringing this idea into the world and I don't miss it. Yet someone inside me is grieving. A part of my brain is telling me "you should care. You should care that it's been taken from you".

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. Let’s unpack that.

Attention-Deficit. This in of itself is misleading. I, as someone with ADHD, do not have a deficit of attention. What I do have is an extremely hard time choosing where to focus it. I can focus, for hours, with more intensity and more productively than most neurotypical people, but only on things like good books and video games and my writing and wikipedia rabbit holes and music. I cannot focus on things like homework and my job and keeping my room from turning into an absolute hurricane-level disaster and ordering my groceries. It’s not a deficit of attention, the attention is there, it’s just that I do not get to choose where it is focused. 

Hyperactivity. Hyperactivity is a type of ADHD. I have combined type, so I am hyperactive, but my best friend? They have inattentive ADHD. They can sit still, and don’t need to fidget, and they are not hyperactive. But they still have ADHD. Hyperactivity is a type of ADHD, not a fundamental part of it. It’s like calling all cake “chocolate cake” even if some cakes are vanilla. 

I have been learning more about ADHD since my recent diagnosis, and though it doesn’t totally make it easier, I now have some better ways of understanding a bunch of things in my life that always felt awful. 

For example, I’ve been having a really rough time these past few days with shame. I’ve been feeling like the worst person in the world — all for a couple of relatively small but careless mistakes I made. 

To the boys with ADHD-I;

And to anyone with ADHD-C;

Yeah, there’s three types of ADHD: 

ADHD-Primarily Inattentive ADHD-Combined ADHD-Primarily Hyperactive

Never, ever, ever in your life should you buy or recieve a blacklight. You will never sleep again, nor will you work, eat, or do anything that doesnt involves blacking out a room and staring at the little stains

I think I need something for the comedown in the afternoon and I'm looking forward to the higher dose as I felt my brain gooing back up just after lunch.

I adore the reduction in food cravings. I have eaten a banana and half a cheese sandwich and the sandwich was too much really. Even now it's worn off I'm eating just a side of what I'd usually eat. Though I can't cook anything I'm still at a fast food place. Another reason I would like an afternoon up lift.