Stories Unbound

collection

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

Not to bang my drum, but did you know buying a book on launch day/pre-ordering it, can massively help publishers to support authors? If you think you might want it eventually, make eventually NOW! I'm giving you permission in case anyone asks. I told you to do it.

@argumate

so while scabsy is racist, that is not why they spent an hour at my desk the next day berating me for being mean and not a team player before realizing i did not give a shit about them and switching tactics to telling management that the union was asking for too much and they should vote down the contract

and then I played CKIII and went "ugh, it sucks that the Pope gets to appoint my court chaplain. Council positions are so important for managing my large vassals and keeping them happy, and besides, I have so many capable and learned vassals who would be perfect for the job and the Pope keeps sticking me with these Italian midwits who don't even... OH SHIT THAT'S WHY"

Paul of Scotland, Destiny Is In Your Hands, 2020 pencil on white paper, 11.69"x16.54"

DO NOT SCROLL AWAY. THIS IS NOT A PHOTO. THIS IS NOT OIL ON CANVAS. THIS ISN’T EVEN ACRYLIC ON CANVAS. THIS IS PENCIL ON WHITE PAPER!

Harvesting my wheat

"i do one thing on this show, and that's eat s***" - brennan lee mulligan

i need to put all three of these pictures in a single post. this is significant. this matters. this is why i exist

An Incredible Journey into the inscrutable concrete insides of a Concrete Giant as a mega dungeon full of various Russian/Slavic pastiche characters. Stalinist Kobolds eternally at war with Bolshevik ratfolk and Cossack dwarves that ride giant blind geckos. Ratsputin is there

this heatwave fucking sucks how am I going to serve my liege like this

im never leaving this hellsite

well the thing is that's an extremely reasonable concern