god we’re lucky to have each other

they're at the kingfisher after a game in new york and scott and some of the other admirals are there along with a majority of the cens and they're all having a good time. ilya and some random admirals player are chirping each other and ilya says something a little mean in the asshole way he does with a small tilt of his lips. and shane can suddenly feel eyes on him from scott and carter and troy and various other players, and for a second he doesn't get it. he doesn't get it, until all he does is snort in response, because well, it was true and also pretty funny and ilya really is the funniest person he knows, okay, and ilya nudges him with a small smile when he hears it, but then the stares slowly morph into something like confused gapes, and all of a sudden, he gets it. it's not the first time it happens and it definitely won't be the last, but shane starts noticing it a lot more and it continues to piss. him. the. fuck. off.

hayden giving him an expectant glance when ilya is half-yelling and groaning with a few cens in the bar at the soccer game on tv, like shane is for some reason gonna tell him to quiet down. scott giving him a quick side-eye when ilya chirps about his age on the ice, like shane is gonna tell him to stop; like he doesn't find the multiple layers to ilya's chirps to scott genuinely impressive, like he doesn't find it amusing. evan, though to his credit he was mostly joking, making a sly comment about shane needing to hold ilya back from fighting during a game, like shane would do that when ilya is well-fucking-aware of when to pick fights and when not to because he is the second-best hockey player in the league; like shane doesn't also find it unbearably hot when ilya has a little blood on his knuckles and dripping down the corner of his lips as he calls out mean little quips at the other team with a smirk on his face

because the thing about their relationship is that shane is undeniably attracted to ilya being an asshole. he thinks it's funny. it almost definitely also turns him on. and he likes when ilya is mean and smug and rowdy and a little shit. he likes when ilya is an asshole to him because that's their banter and their foreplay. he likes when ilya is an asshole to other people because he pretty much always thinks what ilya says is hilarious. (plus it's the fact that shane is also an asshole; it's just that ilya says it out loud more often than he does)

and so the thing about their relationship that, for some fucking reason, other people don't get is that shane, from the very beginning, has always and will continue to like when ilya is an asshole. and yes, they're married (shane also thinks some people seem to forget this, because why would shane marry ilya if he truly doesn't like ilya's personality. he thinks other people are a little stupid sometimes.) but they're also best friends and bond over being the best at what they do and how competitive they are and that they're both a little bitchy at times

Greg: came highly recommended by Jackie and Hayden; both shane & ilya think he's absolutely fucking ridiculous and make fun of him behind his back; he suggests sleeping in separate bedrooms, solo hikes, differentiated hobbies, and other bullshit shane and ilya absolutely aren't doing; the final straw is when greg, clearly misunderstanding the situation, suggests that one of them retires while looking directly at shane.

Cole: they go to one (1) therapy session with Cole where Cole recommends they separate to "find themselves"; shane floats suing him but ilya doubts they'd have a case so they never go through with it.

Richard: usually an independent therapist who works with athletes, but has taken on couples therapy before; things are going okay until richard asks if they have a prenup in place and thereby steps on a huge fucking landmine; shane and ilya have such an awful fight after this session that they break up with Richard via email and agree to never bring up the prenup again. (neither shane nor ilya wanted one, but shane caved to yuna's insistence, and the whole thing is the one (1) pressure valve they allow themselves for arguing about yuna's place in their marriage.) they also decide to stop seeing men because clearly something there isn't fucking working.

Julia: very sweet but so young it's jarring for both of them; LOTS of fan-girling over shane, which makes ilya jealous, which makes shane feel like maybe he wasn't doing enough to show his affection, which makes shane clingy, which triggers ilya's avoidant attachment, which makes ilya feel like shit, which makes ilya bring up julia more often because he was trying to do her homework, which makes shane briefly believe ilya is attracted to julia, which makes ilya furious because he would never cheat on shane. they fuck about it. ilya breaks up with julia over email, then shane has to send an apology email because ilya's email was... perhaps not the best.

Michelle: goes by chelle (which shane remembers by saying: like celly but chuh); specializes in couples therapy for couples who work high stress jobs / careers; the absolute GOAT; gives them permission to bring play into their relationship again through check-ins, conversation starters, challenges, and other relationship rebuilding and strengthening strategies; also wants them to practice independence but knows a bonded pair when she sees one and tempers her expectations accordingly; ilya gets really into home pickling and shane takes up jazzercise and chelle will take what she can get; she closes her private practice so they go their separate ways.