¯\_(ツ)_/¯

if they're gonna remake The Princess Bride, it should open with a kid sick in bed scrolling on his phone. his grandpa arrives with a gift--it's a DVD player with a disc already inside. grandpa hooks it up to the TV and presses play. and we all just watch the original 1987 film again.

one time in college i was in a creative writing class and this guy was holding up the critique with what i can only describe as like cinemasins dinging another student's writing. and at some point the professor said "the plot is the fork and the prose is the meal. you are critiquing the taste of the fork"

[Transcript. Ozempica Firestone clutched orphanly at her hot dead mother's locket, thinking about how orphanful she was. She was quite the most orphanest slender blue-orbed blonde seventeen and 11 months orphan in all of Appallingly Researched Somerset Village. Her two stepsisters, Size 12 and Size 14, glowered midsizedly at her across the tavern. “Lord Darkdunkelheartthorn will never choose you," they sneerified sneeringly. "You're just a fragile beauty with a voice that turns mud to gold." "I don't care about marrying Lord Darkdunkelheartthorn," she blushed thinly over my broom. "I care about sad children, and lonely kittens, and bandaging injured unicorn toes." "Too late," whispered Lord Darkdunkelheartthorn loudly. “I am in love with your fragile thinness and want to buy you stuff in the historically wobbly castle of Darkfaeblack where I live and do morally dubious aspirational wealth porn." "Never!" She daintied petitely. "I want to be thin and starving among the sad children." The table turned to gold, and the hungry children started chopping bits off it to sell immediately. "I am needed here," she whispered prettily. "We will marry you!" Said Size 12 and Size 14. "Never!" He roared fatphobically, turning them both into ravens. "I only have eyes for Ozempica. As you cannot love me, I must abduct you at once which will definitely improve the situation and encourage postitive sentiments towards me while I buy you stuff that is jarringly of the wrong era." They then had hot morally grey sex in alternative chapters with a weird b plot about gnome genocide at the following locations: turret, throne room, glasshouse, bridge, haunted wood, haunted ship, sex dungeon, sex library. Ozempica discovered a book expositioning the gnome genocide in a shelovesbooks kind of way. "But I loved you!" She wept unproblematically. "How could you gnome genocide knowing I would oppose that thinly until more hot acrobatic oral sex?" Her tears landed tearingly upon the carpet and immediately transformed into tiny crystal roses worth approximately £4,000 each. To her horror, her beautiful voice had turned him to gold. "No, true love I love you true love true love kiss kiss," she wept into his gold abs. He turned back into dark robed darkness. "Now you have loved me the curse from chapter 3 is broken and also I understand genocide is bad and won't do it again," he announced hornily. Reader, she banged him. end transcript]

There’s no way the British could have built Buckingham palace. It had to be aliens

Tower bridge was clearly built by a group of ancient Mongol explorers

Big Ben? Look at the Arabic numerals on the clock face. This was clearly a monument to The Lord erected by Sunni scholars and master architects.