Opera’s Next Babe

i feel like we’re all a little bit too used to living in a world where elephants exist. what do you MEAN they do all that shit with their nose

eating? just use your nose to grab the food. drinking? suck up water in your nose and spray it in your mouth. holding things? good thing you have a nose. overheating? dont worry just splash some water or mud on yourself using-guess what its the fucking nose again. no one else does this

im saying this with a healthy love and respect for elephants, of course. definitely not just clarifying bc they might attack me with their nose

every time this gets reblogged i get a little more pissed off that they do all that with their nose. there’s not even any bones in there. do you ever think about how weird that is. how fucked up it is

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

I don't know anything about ornithology but I do have some experience being a bird (was cursed by a witch for a couple of weeks) so I get it

trying to bed a knight like: *unbuttons your jupon* *unbuckles your cuirass* *unbuckles your gorget* *takes off your hauberk* *stops to catch my breath* *unbuttons your gambeson* *takes off your shirt*

It has been decided that the next step is to acquire a young and innocent man to fuck on the regular

@silverfished

you can stay indoors all day when the sun is out, and sometimes it's nice like a cool draught from a tranquil spring, but watch out because if you stay indoors for two days in a row while the sun is out you start doing odd gothic literature things, stalking the halls and passages and muttering to yourself and parting the blinds to gaze down at your neighbours with a haunted look before turning away to contemplate your mannequins #yourmannequins. three days and you're basically fucked. you have to throw a towel over your head to scurry as far as the store for milk and people jeer at you like frankenstein's monster.

every time you make art of any kind, a stat that is not visible to the player goes up. also, this is the most important stat in the game

does singing in the shower count as art

does a strong as fuck ice mummy have ice powers

Maybe I can convince y'all to act right by framing things in terms of social engineering. People will be a whole lot more likely to do whatever shit you're trying to hector them into doing if you're not constantly being a dick the whole time. Being niceys is a powerful social engineering tool such as all of the times I have maliciously manipulated people into fulfilling my whims using an evil sociopathic manipulation technique i like to call "asking nice and then saying thanks after"

Deeply rude how things that will eventually make you feel better start off making you feel worse. Everything should be like an am-hungry-thus-food-good situation