T

Seizure First Aid. 

even if you get along great with your family you will get along even better with them after moving out 

generic is almost always just as good as name brand. But there are some things you never buy generic, including: peanut butter, ketchup, liquid NyQuil, Chips-Ahoy chewy chocolate chip cookies

just imagine the person on the other end of the phone hates talking on the phone as much as you do. Even a receptionist. I worked as one and I hate talking on the phone

at least once in your life you will go to Wal-mart to buy something under $20 like an ironing board or something and your debit card will get rejected. No one will judge. Everyone at some point in their lives has had $2.98 in their bank account. 

thrift stores

everyone else is too busy panicking about everyone else noticing every tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about them to notice any tiny thing that could possibly be wrong about you

you will screw up. a lot. you live and you learn. and when you start to think too hard about that embarrassing thing that happened and how you wish you could change it, just tell yourself that what’s done is done. There’s no changing it, so just forget it and move on. It’s the only way to stay sane.

do the dishes before the sink grows its own ecosystem

you can’t put Dawn dishsoap in the dishwasher. 

if you are the only one in the aisle at the grocery store, and you need to get from one end to the other without even looking at anything in that aisle, then you should totally cart-surf down the aisle. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Hold on to the little things. They make all the difference.

never try to make cake from scratch at 3am. You end up with a topographical map of Middle Earth.

15% tip. 

the best way to get money for food is to tell your grandparents about how you basically live on microwaved mac and cheese. Their horror may result in twenty bucks and orders to go out and get yourself “a real dinner”.

sometimes life sucks, and knowing that it might get better doesn’t always make it suck any less, but you’ll never get to the non-sucky days without enduring the suckiness. 

no seriously, NEVER put Dawn in your dishwasher

Always check the type of light bulb that goes in lamps. A 60w is not interchangeable with a 40w.

Rice, pasta, flour, sugar, cheese, eggs, milk, a pack of chicken, a pack of frozen veggies and a well stocked spice cabinet go a long way food-wise. Splurge and get the biggest container of rice you can. You don’t have to go back and buy it again anytime soon and it makes a TON of meals in the meantime.

Rice can be cooked on the stove. You don’t need a fancy rice cooker. Two parts water to every one part rice (two cups water for one cup of rice for example). Get your water boiling, add rice, put a plate or lid on it, put it on low for 20 minutes. It should be done.

Keep a calendar on your pc of bill due dates. If your bills are set up at inconvenient times, like all of the services started on the first or something, then call up the company and find out if you can get your billing date switched to something more manageable. A lot of places do try to work with you.

There is no shame in calling a company and asking for an extension on a bill. Let them know what you can pay, pay that amount, and they arrange when the rest of the payment is required. This can stop you from having services shut off man. It shows responsibility on your part.

Take time to eat, even when you don’t feel like eating. Your body needs energy to live.

Wash or rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. It prevents gross caked on junk.

“The Works” is an excellent cheap toilet cleaner.

MAGIC. FUCKING. ERASERS. THEY WORK ON EVERYTHING JUST DON’T SCRUB HARD. I took the ring out of our bathtub with one. Also generic ones work just as well.

Keep some bleach around but if you use it for cleaning? Dillute it. There’s rarely ever a case where you need to pout straight bleach on anything. A cap full or two in a bucket of water works just fine.

DO NOT MIX CLEANERS. Chemical reactions are can be very dangerous. Here’s a good list. (Note that vinegar and baking soda can actually be a good combo for removing smells from things but it’s not very good at actually -cleaning-.)

If you drink? Don’t take meds at the same time it’s just not good.

Make sure you check the dosages on your pill bottles. No one wants to accidentally overdose on cough syrup or ibuprofen.

If you have a uterus make sure you have a heating pad and ibuprofen on hand for the pain. Hot baths also generally help and Ginger Tea is excellent for any nausea.

Buy a first aid kit. It’s worth it in the long run.

You can often do your taxes online at places like TurboTax.

Here’s some good sex ed resources because I had to explain what a yeast infection was recently. 

Petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) is good for chapped lips and you can get a decent sized tube or tub of it (generic brand version) for cheaper/same price as Chapstick.

KEEP TRIPLE ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT IN YOUR HOUSE FOR CUTS AND SCRAPES AND SORES. 

~~Medications~~

Over the counter medications (stuff you can buy right off the shelf no prescription needed) have a name brand and a generic name. ALWAYS buy generic if it’s available it is literally the same thing and way cheaper usually.

Some names to remember when you’re looking for meds!

Acetaminophen = Tylenol

Used to treat pain and reduce fever. Do not take with Ibuprofen.

Ibuprofen = Advil, Midol, Motrin

Used for pain and fever, is an anti-inflammtory. Is good for period cramps because it is an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug).

Naproxen = Aleve, Naprosyn

Treats fever, pain, arthritis pain, gout, period cramps, tendinitis, headache, backache, and toothache. Is also an NSAID.

Acetaminophen + Asprin + Caffeine = Excedrin

Usually marketed as “Migraine Relief” as a generic.

Asprin = Bayer

Use for pain, fever, arthritis, and inflammation. Makes you bleed easily so should not be used for periods. Might reduce risk of heart attacks.\

Triple Antibiotic Ointment = Neosporin

Used on cuts, sores, and scrapes to reduce risk of infection and promote healing.

if you live off ramen, add stuff to it! add veggies you like, don’t use the whole flavor packet to cut down on sodium and msg or don’t use it at all and add your own spices.

if you’re making something with potatoes in it (beans, stew) potatoes are done when you can easily stab a fork through them.

you can microwave a hotdog as long as you put it in a microwave safe container of water. microwaves work by making water molecules vibrate. also, when reheating rice leftovers, add a small amount of water, like maybe a spoonfull, so it doesn’t get hard and crunchy.

the rice cooking advice above is for long grain rice. if you’re making short or medium grain rice, a 1:1 ratio (one cup water for one cup rice) is better, so the rice doesn’t come out too mushy.

buy a few cans of chicken. wholesale club stores like sam’s, costco, or bj’s tend to carry multipacks for a good price. they’re incredibly useful for when you forget to defrost meat.

buy meat on sale and put it in the freezer. buy vegetables on sale, and put them in the freezer. frozen veggies are often as flavorful and good as fresh ones, keep longer, and often come in microwaveable bags or with microwave directions.

soak ink stains in milk to help get them out or at least lighten them.

soak blood stains in water as soon as possible, with a bit of detergent or stain remover. scrub at them. use cold water, heat binds proteins to fabric. tbh, there’s no real need to change the washer from cold-cold setting unless the thing you’re washing says to wash in warm water.

-coolant or water if your car overheats (coolant is preferable cause it won’t hurt the engine in the long run but hey i know money is tight) 

-flashlight in case you break down at night and need to check under the hood and your phone is dead

-SPARE TIRE. 

-jumper cables.you will at some point leave your lights on. you just will. 

Don’t be afraid to go to your local food bank. They are there for a reason.

1. Buy a roll of parchment paper from the cooking shit aisle. A big roll will last you for-fucking-ever. Pretty much any time you’re using a baking pan you can line it with that stuff and save yourself A: food sticking to the pan and B: it’s a quick rinse and it’s clean.

2. Bread can get fucking expensive, so make your own. A bigass bag of flour and a bag of active dry yeast (store it in the friiiiidge!!!) works out a FUCK of a lot cheaper than buying bread at the store, and you can do so much more with it. Bread, pizza, rolls, cinnibuns, homemade pizza pockets. It seems intimidating but it’s stupid easy.

Seriously. It’s stupid simple to make, and most of the “3 hours” to make it is sitting around surfing the internet or doing whatever the fuck you want while the dough rises. If you have an afternoon free once a week to sit and play video games or surf the net, you have the time to make your own bread on the cheap. Here’s my simple-as-fuck recipe:

2 ¼ teaspoons active dry yeast (You can buy a bag of this stuff CHEAP in bulk stores, the little packets are hella stupid priced) 1 cup warm water (think a hot bath) 1 ½ teaspoons sugar 2 tablespoons oil (any kind works for the most part) 2 ¼ cups flour 1 teaspoon salt

1. Stir the yeast, water, sugar, and oil up in a bowl. Let it sit for about 10 minutes. It will foam up VERY high, this is the yeast getting happy! If it doesn’t get all foamy, the water may have been too hot or not hot enough. Remember, Yeast is alive! Treat it like a nice girlfriend!

2. Mix your flour, salt, and the yeast concoction up in a bowl.

3. Knead that shit for about 5 minutes. It will start sticky as heck, but will come together into a nice dough. If it’s still super sticky, toss in a bit more flour. Here’s how to knead it: 

4. Put your dough in a covered, lightly oiled bowl and leave it someplace warmish for an hour. At that point it will have roughly doubled in size, give it a gentle punch to release the gasses that have built up inside. Cover it again and let it sit for a bit longer.

Boom. You have bread dough. Here are some baking times and uses for ya:

Optional egg-wash: Just crack an egg into a bowl, add a pinch of salt, and mix the bejeebus out of it with a fork. Brush (or if you’re like me, goop it on with said fork) that shit thinly on bread before baking for a nice crust.

Pizza: Stretch it on a pan, stab the fucker all over with a fork, add toppings, bake 425*F 15-20 minutes. 

Bread Sticks: Make snake-shapes, let rest on pan 10-ish minutes, bake 400*F 10-20 minutes.

Dinner rolls: Make ball-sized (yes those balls) balls. Place on greased pan, let rest 10-20 minutes to rise. Egg-wash and bake 375*F 25 minutes.

Bread: Lightly score (cut) the top, let sit for 20-ish minutes on/in whatever you’re using to bake it, egg-wash, bake at 375*F for 20-ish minutes. It’s done when it sounds hollow if you knock on the bottom.

You bet your ass you can deep-fry this shit for cheapie yeast doughnuts. Roll that shit in sugar or dip it in whatever, it’s fucking tasty.

Bagels: YES. YOU. CAN. Form bagel-shapes out of the dough and boil them in salty water for about 2 minutes. Egg-wash them and bake them at 400*F for 10 minutes.

Cinnamon Rolls: Roll that shit out into a rectangle. Brush it with a mix of butter, cinnamon, sugar, and a pinch of salt (no exact amounts here, do it to your taste). Roll it up into a log, and cut it into discs. Let them sit 20 minutes in a pan and then bake at 375*F 15-17 minutes.

You can add whatever you want to the dough for some variety, just if it’s dried spices remember you really only need 1-ish tablespoons. I personally like making bread with about 1 tablespoon of dill in the dough. Roll it out flat, sprinkle it with cheddar, roll it into a log, squeeze the ends shut, and bake it like a regular loaf of bread. Cheesy dill bread OMNOMNOM.

*ahem* That got a bit long. But yeah. Bread’s expensive, yo. Save your wallet.

Hi lovely! Here you go:

Every time that you get undressed (I hear symphonies in my head) bytheboyfriendstagram:

Summary: “Hi.”, Louis says and Harry doesn’t answer. The taller boy takes the cigarette from Louis’ fingers and places it between his own lips.

Louis doesn’t fight it, because Harry looks hot when he smokes.

“Why are you sad, Louis?”

Louis blinks up at the question taking him by surprise. The smoke vanishes in the air and he’s now face to face with Harry, who seems to be closer now.

“I’m not sad.”, he lies.

Harry stares at him for a moment, before he takes another drag from the cigarette and leans down so he’s at the same eye level with Louis.

And okay, now Louis panics. 

OR an AU in which Harry is the typical frat boy who doesn’t believe in love but falls for the insecure mess that is Louis. Sex and fluff ensue.

Just a Number by fratboytomlin:

Summary: Louis may or may not fall in love with his arch enemy’s (aka his own brother) best friend, who just so happens to be in college.

don’t make this easy (i want you to mean it) by wildestdreams:

Summary: “Harry’s a player. All he does is chat everyone up. And guys like him are just–so ugh. He’s got that arrogant, self-assured smirk plastered to his face all the time. Always smug and stupid, like he could get anyone he lays his eyes on. All he does is make me mad and laugh all the time like he knows something that I don’t. That is so annoying.”

“But that’s just Harry,” Niall shrugged at Louis. “He doesn’t even try to flirt or anything. He’s just naturally charming, but that doesn’t mean he’s a player nor that he’s trying to get into everyone’s pants. He’s just friendly. And he likes you. He doesn’t usually fall for people, but he fell for you.”

“Oh, should I feel special then?” Louis asked, snorting and rolling his eyes.

or Harry’s a frat boy who is head over heels for Louis and Louis wants nothing to do with him.

Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can’t Lose by dolce_piccante:

Summary: American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Pi Time by aclosetlarryshipper:

Summary: Harry, 20. Less Than 1 Mile Away, Active 1 minute ago. I think when it comes down to it, I’m just looking for someone supportive. That’s all I really need in life. I know this is an app, but we can find people in all the most obscure places ☺ -H.S 

or hot, hipster Harry from Tinder is nothing like Louis expected.

Have You Coming Back Again by whoknows:

Summary: It’s five o’clock in the morning. Louis has a lecture at half eight. He could be using this time to study or to do his readings or to go to the gym, but - well. He doesn’t have any exams coming up, he’s not going to his seminar today anyway and he hates the gym.

Instead he’s using this time to fuck with Harry Styles’ poor little brain.

Louis jogs across the street and jabs the key into the car door. It opens easily, not that he was expecting anything else. He copied the key for a reason, after all.

He’s got Harry’s schedule memorized, more because the guy keeps following him around than anything, so he doesn’t bother looking around before climbing behind the wheel and setting his bag on the passenger seat. It’s a Monday, which means that Harry doesn’t even get out of bed before noon unless he’s planning on harassing Louis.

Naughty Girls Get Spanked by Erin94:

Summary: When Louis gets caught trying to steal a trophy from Harry for his sorority, he ends up having a lot more fun than he had planned.

Or the one where Louis wears panties and gets spanked and fucked by frat boy Harry.

Orange Canvas by aclosetlarryshipper:

Summary: Few can handle Louis Tomlinson on the dance floor, much less match him in skill and fervor. Louis has obviously met his soul mate; he just never expected him to be wearing a red snapback and to chew gum like an entitled Mercedes owner.

or a spring break (kind of) fake relationship AU.

only thing that’s keeping me on fire by togetherwecouldbealright:

Summary: There’s a boy right in the middle of the crowd and he’s dancing, head thrown back with laughter. When he finally straightens back up, his fringe falls right into his eyes and his slender body is pressed up against others in the crowd. When he moves, it’s more graceful than anything Harry has ever witnessed in his entire life.

Around him are nearly a dozen other guys and they all look like they want to ravage him. Harry doesn’t really blame them.

When the boy turns slightly, his dark blue eyes meet Harry’s and his mouth pulls up in the corner, twisting into an inviting smirk.

Harry is just an average twenty year old frat boy and he meets eighteen year old Louis at a party. It ends with Louis fucking him while wearing his snapback and that’s something that Harry can definitely get behind.

Can’t Fool Me by emma1234:

Summary: “I hate frats,” Louis repeats for what feels like the millionth time.

“Yes, I’ve heard, once or twice or every day for the past three years,” Liam says. His careful tone reminds Louis of how his mom always sounds when one of his siblings is on the brink of a tantrum.

Louis glances speculatively at Liam’s frat brothers, who are still huddled together and chatting, with the exception of the one who’s looking in Louis’ direction. Maybe Louis shouldn’t rule out a tantrum. While making a scene wouldn’t actually free him from fraternity nonsense in the future, it would at least be entertaining.

 For context, it’s the Lumberjack Louis fic we’ve been working on for I don’t even want to know how long in which Louis lost his husband Ed, lives like a recluse, Harry is new in town and Niall is a Sheeran.

Here goes nothing, this is unbeta’ed and all over the place, I apologize.

–

“The trespasser has a name you know.” The trespasser- Harry - replies.

Louis just gives him a once over, turning to address Niall instead. “Can you drive him into town? We can get together with the guys tonight or something.” He doesn’t wait for an answer, just turns back towards the outdoors where his horse -his only ally at the moment- is waiting for him.

“Lou, hold up a sec.” Niall’s voice comes up behind him. “I was thinking— ”

No. Nonononononono. Louis knows this tone.

“No.” Louis deadpans.

“Seriously Lou. We can’t take him back to the motel.”

“Why the fuck not?” Louis tries not to shout.

“Well, he’s hurt, for starters and he doesn’t have anyone here. You can’t leave him with Scary Lisa. Plus there’s no elevator there and a million stairs, he could die of a nasty fall with that ankle… He needs someone to keep an eye on him until he gets back on his feet at least.”

“Lisa didn’t look so bad.” Harry’s voice is faint.

“Great! Take him home with you then.” Louis says to Niall, completely ignoring Harry. “You need a project until school starts up anyway.” Louis doesn’t look back, still getting Jasper ready for another couple hours in the woods.

“I don’t have the room, and you know it. Even my couch isn’t full sized. Plus I can’t bunk with my boss, right? Must be against some kind of rule.”

“Well, nothing much we can do then, is there?” Louis feigns ignorance, truly hoping to avoid the turn that this conversation is taking. He should know better. He really should.

“You could let him stay here. At least, until he finds an apartment.”

“Oh no. No no no no.You get that little dark cloud of a thought out of your head right this minute Niall. No.” He yanks one last buckle into place with a resolute. “No.”

“But Lou, he’s in need! He’s like an injured little baby deer, look at him. He needs someone kind, caring, with compassion to take care of him, someone who will make sure he’s okay.”

“None of the things you just said describe me.” Louis says, giving Niall a hard look.

“What would Teddy do?” Niall says pointedly, looking hurt, actually no, sad. Fuck. He drops his shoulders again.

That’s a fucking low blow if Louis ever saw one.

Louis groans. “You don’t know what he’d do.” He outright lies.

“Come on, we do know. He would let him stay. He would take him in with open arms and expect you to have some compassion towards a creature in need— —  This is not the Louis Teddy fell in love with.” Niall says in one go. The manipulative son of a fucking bitch— —

“Who’s Teddy?” a deep voice booms behind them, startling Louis out of his trance.

“My husband.” Louis says at the same time that Niall says, “My brother.”

“Oh, sounds like a decent guy.” Harry looks at Louis, and Louis knows that he heard the previous conversation, knows that Harry doesn’t want to go back to that motel to fend for himself. Louis sighs again.

“Yeah, he was.” A frown flashes across Harry’s face. Louis scrunches his eyes shut, then forces himself to look at Harry before changing his mind. “You’re staying here for a while. Go lie down, get off that foot because you’re not staying a minute longer than you have to. Niall will show you around the house. I’m leaving.” Then he walks away, as quickly as he can with a one ton horse lumbering behind him.

gonna dream of how you (tasted)

Chapters: 1/1, 21215 words Fandom: One Direction (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson Characters: Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Homophobia, Racism, basically the OC is an asshole, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, Misunderstandings Summary:

It was clear that they were not going to talk about how they knew each other. Harry was relieved, he didn’t need Louis to spell out how fast he’d wanted to get out of the house back then, but it also made him anxious. The fact that they had seen each other naked and they were pretending it had never happened was hanging between them.

I had your dick in my mouth, Harry thought loudly at Louis, and then remembered there was a baby in the room and felt a little dirty. He decided to stop thinking about it altogether - Louis seemed to be managing just fine.

(Or, the one where Harry needs a handyman and it turns out they have a bit of a history.)

↪ make me choose:  eyefucking larry or fonding larry  [req. by anonymous]

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• They do not sit in chairs properly.