and then you became the moon

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

got a good thing going where these bandits give me a half share of whatever loot they pull from adventurers i send their way & the best part is i don't even need to lie or anything since every hero is born with the unshakeable belief in their ability to win a fight against ten guys at once. just gotta say "we've got bandit trouble in the west, let me mark it on your map" and a week later i get $15 from Wulfric the Hound on cashapp

I heard the barons regiment of black iron knights put all the bandits to the sword and also burned the isolated forest village and tortured the elderly priest

that's messed up

adopting a guardian angel from the shelter but theyre untrained and undersocialized so i have to chain them up in the yard during the day to keep them from tearing up the furniture and they try to smite anybody who comes too close to the house

is 5 too young for the dark crystal? i don’t want to scare my sister but i want to show her

I forgot that was the name of a film when I read this and thought you were desperate to show your 5 y/o sister some sort of cursed artifact

i told a spider about hatred and it spun a web that clearly conveyed a sense of betrayal and dissolutionment at the world

ok everyone time to start laying eggs

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time to start laying eggs, frightening ghoul

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man if I saw an elf nobody would be able to stop me

From what

nobody would be able to stop me

Fortuneteller, turning over the Death card: Don't worry. It isn't literal. It simply refers to some form of change. Me: Phew Fortuneteller; turning over the Gets Eaten by the Fortuneteller While Trying to Leave card: That can also mean many things

I'm a big hit at parties because I say things like "death to all who oppose us" and "the reckoning is at hand" when I’m clicked on