Tea Time for Agents

I feel like not enough people realize that people under enormous strain act really really fucking Weird

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

a hoe never gets lyme disease

fries. envelopes. ive been awake for 18 hours can i go to bed now.

you know i think the fact that friends and enemies autocorrected to this and i didn't notice is reason enough i should sleep

boyfriend says I have to post something festive for christmas, so just sharing that one time he got his English mixed up when seeing Santa in a shopping mall and he shouted at the top of his lungs "oh!!! whore whore whore!!!"

this is a common occurrence, yesterday he asked me why a cushion said "fuck it till you make it" and a nearby store assistant nearly wound up on the floor she was laughing so hard

Tonight's alltimer was "the alarm went off at work so everyone had to ejaculate"

as a child there's nothing cooler than a kid who gets subjected to evil experiments and gains special abilities. it's even cooler if these abilities also cause unfathomable suffering to use/against others. children love stories like this.

The children yearn to be Mewtwo

blue raspberry is fucked up cause it doesn't make sense but then u taste it and it Does taste like if a raspberry was blue

we gotta get back to torrent distribution, i just watched someone eat eight grand in bandwidth charges because they ran a direct-download piracy site with local file hosting through cloudflare. torrents were invented literally for this exact reason

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges