meow

i know medical reports have to write things this way, but when i see "dull mood, denies smoking" on my doctor's visit summary i can't help but hear "boring bitch and a croaking liar"

one of the medical reports for my broken leg called me attractive and pleasant, and I haven't let myself read another medical report since because I want to maintain a Schrödinger's cat type situation where the reports might say 'still attractive, would fuck' or they might say 'ugly now, aged poorly' and I'll never know because I refuse to let the wave function collapse into a single reality

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

Baby sphinx trying to be like mama and waylaying travelers, but all its riddles are completely non-sensical like the ones a 1st grader would tell

i think this post is improved by the knowledge that i got renamed "punished ant" after getting banned for posting a gift of optimus prime twerking, completely forgot that was my nickname, and didnt understand why i was getting yelled at for typing

ugh this is so fucking sexy look at it there helpless

I love Doris and she is so cute but also she looks so much like Teddy Roosevelt sometimes that I can't help but laugh

we need more pathetic female characters written by authors who don't hate women

to be clear since this is making the rounds: she has to be an absolute loser in no way that can be pinned on her gender. no "i'm just a girl tee-hee" stuff. straight up just a loser (nondenominational)

addendum: she must be the most important person in the whole narrative