ages 0-7: slowly gain sentience
ages 7-12: be an ‘old soul’
ages 12-16: allow the darkness to consume you
ages 16-19: be a kid for the first time ever
ages 19-30: develop dad lore
ages 30-35: court a beautiful lady
ages 35-40: get married, start a family
ages 40-55: promise to clean out the gutters and never do it again
ages 55-60: allow the darkness to consume you once more
ages 60-75: swinger cruises with your beautiful wife
ages 75-86: be an eccentric grandfather
age 86: mysteriously disappear
