Someone else might've gotten it wrong.

Retake the Normandy Masterpost

Note: The phases may be inaccurate, as I think it's based on how fast you get the clone down to the necessary HP/medi-gel packs.

First Phase:

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

James (if he calls Shepard Lola): Hey, Lola. You copy? James (if he calls Shepard Loco): Hey Loco. You copy? James (otherwise): Shepard, this is Vega! Do you copy? Over! EDI: Shepard, can you hear me? Javik: Commander, do you hear this? Wrex: Shepard, you getting this? Garrus: Shepard, you hearing this? Liara: Shepard, can you hear me? Tali: Tali'Zorah to Shepard, do you copy?

Shepard (if James calls her Lola): Lola here. You cut through the jamming? Shepard (if James calls him Loco): Loco here. You cut through the jamming? Shepard (if James calls them Commander): Shepard here, Vega. You cut through the jamming? Shepard (otherwise): Loud and clear. You cut through the jamming?

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

Liara (romanced): I wasn't going to let you down. Liara: We did. It was heavily defended, but we got through and disabled their tech. Ashley (romanced): No way I was going to leave you in the dark, Skipper. Ashley: Affirmative. Got a bit hot, but their jamming tech is down. Tali (romanced): I wasn't about to leave you alone out there. Tali: Yes. It was rough, but we disabled their tech. Kaidan (romanced): No way I was gonna sit on the sidelines and wait. Kaidan: Affirmative. Heavy fighting, but we got it done. Garrus (romanced): I'm not the "stay at home and worry" type. Garrus: Yeah, and picked up a few more scars in the process. Wrex: More "blew up" than "cut through". I told C-Sec you'd cover the damages. Javik: Along with many mercenaries. It was quite enjoyable. James: Yeah. A bit of collateral damage, but that part of the Citadel was kinda beat up already. EDI: Correct. The mercenaries defended their position fiercely, but we eventually succeeded.

Brooks: You should've died at that damn sushi place!

Cortez: Commander, the Normandy's prepping for a jump to FTL.

Joker: Can you get to the cockpit? Like soon?

Shepard: Negative. I'm occupied in the shuttle bay!

Cortez: Roger that, Commander. We'll proceed with Plan B.

Joker: Plan B? The hell is Plan B?

Clone: I am Commander Shepard!

Shepard: Are you kidding me?

Shepard (if Conrad Verner is alive): Conrad Verner is better at being me than you are!

Shepard (otherwise): You're nothing but one more mercenary thug!

Joker: Arg, again with the pancreas!

Cortez: I'm overriding the skycar's safeties, Commander. I'll obstruct the Normandy's path, try to get their attention.

Joker: We're bait? Plan B stands for bait?

Brooks: You ruined everything! My plan was perfect!

Squadmate:

Wrex: Except for the part where you're losing! Javik: Evidently not. James: If it was perfect, it would've worked! Garrus: Better luck next time! Liara: I'm happy to help! Tali: I'm so sorry!

Clone: My team is just as good as yours!

Shepard: A team? You have minions! And you're running out!

Brooks: You should've stayed in the archives! I tried to make it clean and painless!

Brooks: You can do it! You're better than he/she is.

Clone: Get Dagger Squad in here!

Brooks: We need backup!

Clone: I can win this war. All you have are the vain hopes of a tired old man/woman!

Shepard: This tired old man/woman is kicking your ass.

Squadmate:

EDI: You will regret your betrayal, Agent Brooks! Tali: We trusted you, Brooks! And you betrayed us! Liara: You should have known better than to come after us, Brooks! Kaidan: You betrayed us, Brooks! You don't get to walk away from that! Garrus: You betrayed us, Brooks! You're not walking away from that! Ashley: You're a backstabbing Cerberus traitor, Brooks! James: You had the whole galaxy out there, and you had to come screw with us! Javik: You were a fool to betray us!

Brooks: It was easy! You were so eager to help the loveable rookie!

Second Phase (after the shuttle bay door opens):

Squadmate:

EDI: Be careful! The door is still unsecured! Tali: Watch the cargo ramp! Liara: Be careful around the cargo ramp! Kaidan: Watch out! That door's unsecured! Garrus: Watch out! That door's still open! Ashley: Watch out! The cargo door's unsecured! James: Watch out! Hell of a drop out there! Javik: Watch your step!

Clone: You're just cybernetics! Scarred, worn-out Cerberus tech!

Shepard: You know where I got those scars? Feros and Noveria and Virmire and Ilos!

Shepard (if they've completed Priority: Thessia): At the Collector base and Palaven and Tuchanka and Rannoch and Thessia! I earned these scars from protecting the galaxy! You got yours from a petri dish!

Shepard (otherwise): At the Collector base and Palaven and Tuchanka! I earned these scars from protecting the galaxy! You got yours from a petri dish!

Brooks: You're all blind! You worship Shepard while the galaxy dies around us!

Squadmate:

EDI: Shepard has earned our loyalty! All you have is cowardice and a clone! Tali: We worship Shepard? You made your own copy! Liara: Shepard is the best hope for this galaxy! And we have the real one! Garrus: Says the woman who made herself a clone! James: You're hanging out with Shepard's clone, lady! That's all kinds of messed up! Javik: The Commander fights for survival! You cling to a clone and cower in fear!

Brooks: This changes nothing! Once you're dead, we can explain everything!

Shepard: The rest of my team has already put a message in to Hackett by now! It's over, Brooks!

Clone: You're a figurehead! A decent soldier with a lucky streak!

Shepard: Then how come you want to be me so badly?

Brooks: What's wrong with you? Do you want him/her to win?

Clone: Shut up and let me fight!

Squadmate:

Wrex: That all you got? The real Shepard hits a lot harder! Javik: Pathetic. You are a poor simulation of the real Commander. James: Not good enough to handle the real Shepard, huh? Garrus: You know, the real Shepard would've blown my head off by now! Liara: Not bad, for an imitation of the real Shepard! Tali: You think you can replace Shepard? My drone fights harder than this!

Shepard: I'm taking the Normandy back. And honestly, I'm doing you a favor. 'Cause you don't have what it takes!

Clone (if male): I'm Shepard! Do you hear me, asshole? I'm Shepard!

Clone (if female): I'm Shepard! Do you hear me, bitch? I'm Shepard!

Shepard: No. You're not.

Brooks: Damn you all to hell!

Squadmate:

Wrex: Liked you better when you were funny, Brooks! Javik: I preferred you as the incompetent primitive! James: Liked you better when you were cute and funny! Garrus: Should've stuck with comedy, Brooks! You don't have what it takes for the front line! Liara: I preferred it when you were harmless and helpless! Tali: You should've stayed silly and harmless, Brooks! It suits you better!

Note: I wasn't able to trigger the following lines in my own playthroughs, so it may be unused.

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

James: All right, we've got stuff locked down on this end. EDI: We have the situation under control here, Shepard. Javik: We have killed the primitives here. Wrex: All quiet on our end, in case you were worried. Garrus: We've got everything down here under control, Shepard. Liara: We've got everything under control down here, Shepard. Tali: We've taken down the last of these bosh'tets. All quiet down here.

Shepard: Glad to hear it.

Crew not in Shepard's squad:

Liara (romanced): So be careful up there. I believe in you. Liara: The rest is up to you. Good luck. Ashley (romanced): Now go kill this bastard, Skipper. Ashley: Good luck up there, Commander. Tali (romanced): Now kill that bosh'tet and take back my ship. [to 1] Tali: Now go kill that bosh'tet. Kaidan (romanced): Time to take back your ship, Shepard. I know you can do it. Kaidan: Good luck up there, Commander. Garrus (romanced): So stay safe up there, and take back what's yours. Garrus: Now quit slacking and kill this asshole. Wrex (if Shepard is male): Now kick this guy's ass. Wrex (if Shepard is female): Now kick her ass! Javik: Now destroy this imposter and reclaim what is yours. James (if Shepard is male): Now waste that asshole. James (if Shepard is female): Now waste that crazy bitch... no offense. EDI: Now kill the imposter and reclaim the Normandy for me. [to 2]

[1]

Shepard: Your ship?

Tali: You know what I mean.

[2]

Shepard: For you?

EDI: For us.

Squadmate:

EDI: I am the Normandy, and I will see you dead! Tali: I am Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, and this is how we deal with pirates where I'm from! Liara: I lost one ship already, I'm not losing another! Garrus: Get the hell off my ship! James: You still want the ship assholes? Come and get it! Javik: Find your own ship. This one is mine.

Clone: Take him/her down!

Squadmate:

Wrex: Keep dreaming, pyjak. Javik: Unlikely. James: No chance! Garrus: Not on my watch! Liara: I don't think so! Tali: Give it your best shot, bosh'tet!

I'm a firm Miranda and Shepard shipper, but Liara was my first Mass Effect love, and I've always loved the idea of lots of little blue children