~

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

[excited about an aro friend getting a boyfriend] congratulations! [remembers that presenting romantic relationships as a universal goal to be achieved perpetuates amatonormativity] I don't care about your relationship at all [trying to reaffirm that I am supportive of aromanticism] and I hope you break up

My 5 year plan is to keep buying $8 frozen coffees until I die of preventable illness

a billionaire can never be held accountable, therefore a billionaire must never make a management decision

i have a suggestion

forcefemming the billionaires won't help

sorry I thought you were someone else

Yeah man, this wizard conference is such a drag. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "Hastened Networking" or something, and suddenly everyone in a 20 foot radius was holding a copy that dude's business card. Nobody even acknowledged the quality of his card, that's how common this is. I'm over here casting Handshake and level 2 Small Talk. I think I just heard "Power Word: Video Call" two groups over. I gotta get a new job.

we all got that one homie with a job thats weirder than everyone else in the group and when you’re all complaining about customer service he’s like “yeah i hate when they bleed on the chain and it gets all stickyyy” and you’re like huh?? and he just keeps going like “and they always scream when you bring out the rack” and you’re like hey do you work in a medieval dungeon what do you do? “oh i just do maintenance” and dodges the question every time but one time you were driving near his apartment and you saw him getting out of his car and he still had the executioner hood on and he was dragging a morningstar behind him across the pavement and it was making this horrible grinding sound loud as fuckkkkkk

The biggest reason 9/11 did not happen in brazil is because big jesus would have catched the plane and destroy the terorist. Second big reason is tjat world trade center wads not i nbrasil

wait have y'all heard the news

apparently silksong came out

hey girl are you my slerp schedule because i am fucking you up

not what i meant to say

when i was a kid my Getting To Sleep technique was visualizing a child-sized shriveled up mummy with big piercing eyes that would stand silhouetted in the doorway & stare at me & probably attack if i so much as opened my eyes after getting into bed & this technique caused me to develop a lifelong nighttime-induced paranoia & it still takes me 2 hours to fall asleep. so i wouldnt recommend that