I’m a Type 4 wing 5 acdg. to the Enneagram test.
The Individualist; The Bohemian.
- Desperate to belong but also feeling like they can’t. Unable to fit in, and yet perversely unwilling to fit in. Aching to be part of the group but also proud of how different they are.
- The kind that seeks out intense emotions, more so than any other type. The kind to dive into the deepest waters of their mind if only to see if this will be the moment they drown. The kind that puts on sad music and dwells on negative experiences — because there is something real and authentic in the dark side.
- The kind to get upset if their environment is not conducive to where they are right now — as if the radio should’ve read my mind, or the skies should’ve shifted to my whims, or the clutter in the kitchen should’ve known I was in a bad headspace.
- The kind that is unapologetically open about who they are, warts and all. The kind that gets real in front of others as a way to say, “Hey, it’s okay. You can be upfront with your demons, too.”
- With a desperate and palpable need to be understood and heard. A type that doesn’t want fame or flattery — but wants to stun a person, a room, an entire subset of people, into silence, to create a platform to feel deeply and introspectively. And, through that platform, finally feel known.
- The kind that constantly feels like something is missing. The kind that is insatiable and can’t handle the mundane. The kind that will drop an experience because it wasn’t as transcendental as they wanted it to be. The kind that needs to be overwhelmed with passion, consumed with what’s in front of them.
- The kind that embraces pain, but has a tendency to mask pain with pain. A tendency to cling to a pain that is easier to process, and then keep it around because dear God this pain is easier to handle than the other pains that lurk below.
Type 4’s often feel different and special, which can be a gift or a curse. They are emotionally heavy, but is often repressed due to the fear that other people may not understand them. This can also come from a place of being unable to express themselves freely and easily as they should be. You know that saying that people often say when they’re frustrated emotionally? “I gave up explaining to other people, because they wouldn’t understand anyway”, is exactly what most Type 4’s would feel. They try to escape this painful and empty feeling of not fitting anywhere and not knowing what to do with themselves (due to the lack of identity)by indulging in their fantasy selves. They tend to lack the self-discipline and consistency to reach their ideal selves, which can lead to disappointment, low self-esteem, depression and just emotionally in a darker state.
In their best selves, Type 4’s are creative, original, and determined. Wing 5’s are the ones less likely to compromise their creative work for originality, they’re the ones who are more patient and sacrificing of time just to produce something of high standards and “worthwhile”, they LIVE for originality and HATE inaunthenticity. In their worst states, they are moody, more inclined to depression. When they are willing to see themselves spin downwards, they will go downwards. Pessimistic and solemn in nature, a strength that they do possess is their passion and their transformative ability to come out as a better person after embracing their dark side.
source: https://www.google.com.ph/amp/s/thatabbyrose.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/type-four/amp/
WOW. The most accurate description of myself is actually on the freaking internet. Woah. Called me out sooooo fucking hard. Described myself more than Icould ever do tbh.
