Hi Charity! Thank you again for your response on my last question, it helped me feel more confident about my core type (which is 9). I think you might be right about me having a stronger 6 fix than 4 fix, which is crazy bonkers to me because I used to identify myself as a core 4. I have a pretty strong sense of self, and I’m a fairly individualistic woman. I never felt like I fit in any where nor any group, and I’ve always identified myself as a weird misfit. Anyone who knows me will literally say I’m a very weird person, but really sweet and considerate of others. Do you think that has to do more with me having Fi as my dominant function (I’m an INFP) than it does with having 4 in my tritype? Does other enneagram types also have their own personal struggles with feeling weird, alienated, and a misfit? I feel like there’s other people out there who don’t have a good understanding on what it really means to be a core 4, and may be mistyping themselves simply because they identify themselves as an oddball. I also want to say I really appreciate that you take time out of your day to answer all our questions and concerns. I can tell you myself it means a lot. 😊
No problem! Happy to help, most of the time. Ha, ha.
“Anyone who knows me will say I am a very weird person, but really sweet and considerate of others.”
The same could be said of a 6-4 or a 4-6 girl I knew, who was also an NFP. Highly compassionate, deep, and thoughtful of others, but also intentionally fixated on, and brought out, the aspects of her personality that broadcasted to others “I am not like you, we are not the same, my life has been Tragic, and you can’t relate.” That was her image-managing style, and she intentionally streamlined her aesthetics, her words, her appearance, etc., all to support this about herself, to highlight it, and to draw people to look at what SHE wanted them to see rather than what they might mistakenly focus on, in herself. That’s what high image fixers do: “you will seem me how I want to be seen.” (I used to think she was a core 4, but in hindsight, she was probably a 641. There was a fair amount of superego and accommodation with a probable 6w7 core.)
Anyway… never feeling like you fit in with any group or anywhere, and identifying as a weird misfit can be 4, but it’s quite often 6. I’ve known countless 6s who would say that about themselves, including myself. Being aromantic, asexual, etc., means that I have never fit in anywhere, that few people understand me, that I struggle to understand others, and I have no real desire to BE like them, either, but… I don’t have 4. Just 6 and Fi. So some of that is probably Fi-ish, in terms of how you go about it (avoid, don’t bother integrating, feel awkward) as opposed to the Fe-6 mantra of “let’s all be freaks together!” I think Fi tends to always have a disconnect with other people, in terms of going “I’m not connecting the way other people seem to here, so maybe I don’t belong here.”
I remember reading Ichazo, whom I don’t really recommend, because his Enneagram 4 chapter is mostly just… 6 mixed with a little bit of 4. I identified with about 80% of it. I think 6s have a strong sense of me vs. “other,” the ways they don’t fit in with other people through a process of comparison (noting differences, and being a little ? what does this mean? About them), and are on a quest of self-understanding and prone to analysis that can superficially read as 4. Most of the “4s” I’ve met online were either 6s or 9s. The real ones stand out for image-managing reasons. 6s just kind of casually drop into things “oh yeah, I’m a freak / weirdo,” and feel proud about not fitting in somewhere, whereas for a 4, it’s just proof that I am Unique and also, an alien who will never truly be appreciated here, or Seen in the way I want to Be Seen, and if you See Me but I don’t like it, I will move a little so that I am no longer in focus for you.
