#whatgender

I'll probably list a label, give the generally accepted definition, and then yap about how the label applies to me/how I interpret it in myself

Obviously, labels are meant to be inclusive to help a person express themselves, not to constrict a person. Some labels may have a more general "definition" but can vary person by person. And some labels themselves are meant to include almost anything.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a dictionary . I am not the entire LGBTQ community. feel free to correct me if I get definitions wrong. I'm trying my best to get the general consensus, but it's possible that I'll make some mistakes. I'm still learning :)

Anygays

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Bisexual

What is it?? : Attraction to more than one gender

Misconceptions : The most common misconception is that bisexuality only refers to "being attracted to men and women". Now for many bisexuals this is true, but this is not the only definition. In fact, bisexuality doesn't have to be limited to only two genders or sexes. Bisexuality is an umbrella that can include pansexuality, omnisexuality, etc, although not everyone with these labels considers themselves bisexual.

Me : This is the label I've identified with the longest, since I was a younger teen. I chose this label because I thought it was cool, I liked the flag, and I had a bisexual friend who I was close with. The label just made sense to me. Not to mention, I wasn't aware of very many other labels at the time.

From what I was aware, you could be straight, gay, lesbian, bi, or pan. I personally don't identify with the pan label, partially out of comfort with the bi label, partially because I had some pansexual friends (at the time) who gave me a bad connotation to the label, and partially because I do feel as though I have some preferences in regards to gender. Of course, there are different interpretations to the meaning of being pansexual, and not all say that you have to have zero preferences, but it just didn't fit well personally in my head. Plus, I preferred the bi flag colors lol. (Although now I always stare at the purple. because why is it off.)

When I first started using the bi label, I stuck a bit closer to the "bisexual = likes men + women" . Over the years, and as I've discovered myself more, I've shifted to defining it for myself as "attraction to more than one gender". I don't think I'm attracted to ALL gender identities, but definitely many. It's all about the person themselves and their personality and if we vibe so i don't specifically take gender into account. which sorta brings me to my next label....

Queer

What is it ? : An umbrella label for people who are not exclusively heterosexual OR not exclusively cisgender.

Misconceptions: the whole point of the label is that it's meant to not have strict "rules" or anything. Being queer may mean many different things depending on the person. One person's definition may be entirely different from another's

Me : I've only recently started allowing myself to use this label. For a while, I struggled with the idea that I'm "not queer enough" , which is pretty silly of me but alas! I often find myself comparing myself to my friends and being like "darn they're more gay than I am so only they can use the queer label..not me though!" Which is also dumb! But hey. I'm not the brightest.

Anyways, I'm not perfectly comfortable using it with myself yet (I still have doubts) BUT I'm trying to be nicer and more accepting of myself :D

I see it as a label both for my attraction and for my gender, because both can be a bit hard to explain.

Graysexual / Gray-Asexual

What is it? : Part of the asexual spectrum. Graysexual can have different interpretations, but generally refers to the "gray area" between asexuality and allosexuality.

Misconceptions : This is another of those cases where the label is meant to be pretty inclusive! Not all graysexuals experience the same levels or the same kind of attraction.

Me : As for me, this is an extremely new label for me. I picked it mostly because I've known I'm not allosexual for a while, but I also don't believe I'm asexual either. After researching a bunch of labels under the acespec, I decided on graysexual because it seemed the most ambiguous! Which works for me, especially since I feel like I'm still figuring things out :)

I don't feel the need to go into any more detail on this post lol so . next label

Quoigender

What is it ? : Also known as WTFgender/Whatgender, quoigender is an identity and umbrella for people who don't fully understand or wish to define their gender. It can have a lot of different meanings for different people and also includes subsets (example : quoifem)

Misconceptions : This is a much lesser known label, so I can't really think of any major misconceptions atm. Feel free to lmk!

Me : this one's gonna be a doozie.

ah. Gender. who knows what their gender is, anyways? I have a very complicated view of my gender and that it is. something. probably.

I'm afab, so my entire life I've been considered a girl. I did enjoy some girly things. Buttttt sighs okay let me give a little backstory.

First off, my only siblings are my two brothers. And we are extremely close. Meaning, we did everything together- be it playing with toys, watching TV or movies, playing video games, or hanging out with friends. So when the whole "girl = you like princesses and the color pink" agenda was pushed onto me, I was pretty mad. I remember one Christmas, I asked for the Lego Batman 2 videogame. That year, my younger brother received the game and I was given American Girl Doll stuff. Which, okay, in hindsight it's not a huge deal anymore because we shared everything and ended up using both. BUT. Little me was furious. I hated princesses (I can appreciate them now) and I at least pretended like i hated pink and purple (I can appreciate them now). I used to say my favorite color was gold/silver lol. I remember one Halloween as a kid, I wanted to be a clone trooper from star wars because my brothers were being a clone and boba fett, but my mom wouldn't let me because clones are guys.

As I got a bit older and the whole puberty thing came into play, I was honestly super upset. I remember crying because I had to get a dress for my aunt's wedding and I didn't want any of them. I was never interested in makeup, and even now the only makeup I have any interest in would be eyeliner lol. And I still hate dresses. I remember watching To All The Boys I've Loved Before back when it came out. In the sequel (I think), the younger sister Kitty ends up wearing a tuxedo to an event. I remember being in awe, almost. It hadn't really crossed my mind that I could do that.

As a teen, I used to occasionally pretend to be a guy in video games to see what it was like (Not in any harmful way, like flirting or anything. Just generally I wanted people to think I was a guy). Or if I wasn't super clear about my gender and someone used he/him pronouns on me, I often wouldn't correct them.

In more recent years, I've realized that a lot of what I would have considered a "crush" on a male character was really gender envy or just generally relating a lot to the character. At this point, it has gotten pretty difficult to distinguish.

All this being said, I'm aware some of these things could very much be related to misogyny (a lot of girls/afabs go through the hating pink era because of the misogynistic connections) or being neurodivergent (many neurodivergent people have a hard time connecting to gender in general because they don't even feel fully human).

Still, I am very certain I'm not cisgender. I don't feel fully like a girl. It's hard to tell if I stick to using some feminine terms because I ACTUALLY want to or because I'm simply used to it. I don't want to be a man and I don't like being referred to as a man, but I do like more masculine terms sometimes. I've considered the idea of being straight up nonbinary, but I do still feel connections to being female or being male and I feel as though the term "nonbinary" has started being associated with gender neutral or even a "third" gender. Which is bad, but I currently don't want to have to go through the whole process of explaining it each time.

For now, until I can explore more possibilities and get more comfortable with myself, I'm sticking with the broad label of quoigender! Because really, what is my gender?

Side note: but if you follow me and have noticed I end up posting a lot about MLM ships... I swear this is related to my gender and not in a weird way LOL. 1) there are generally more male characters that CAN be shipped than female/nb characters. 2) my gender is so messed up bro. So I find myself often relating to these ships to the point where it makes me question my gender even further. (I mean I got super invested in agent stone from sonic and find myself connecting a lot with him lol)

I could yap about my gender? Lack of gender? Who knows? For ages. perhaps I will do that in a different post but this was really meant to be about labels so I've already rambled a lot more than intended. Next label :3

Transgender

What is it? : Transgender is an umbrella term for anyone whose gender identity or internal experience of gender doesn't match the sex they were assigned at birth.

Misconceptions : Transgender does not only refer to ftm or mtf transgender people. It includes nonbinary people or anyone that is not cisgender (when their gender identity matches their sex assigned at birth). Not every non-cisgender uses the term trans, however. It depends on the person!

Me : Since I'm quoigender and do not consider myself to be cisgender, I am also transgender. This is a very new label to me so I'm still getting used to it (and working on disassociating the label with ONLY ftm/mtf because that's what society tries to get me to think frowns).

I literally had to ask some of my other queer friends if I would be considered trans, because I genuinely wasn't sure. Was I faking it? Was I not "trans" enough?

I have similar questions for pretty much any label that I identify with xd Am I not bisexual enough because I don't like only men and women? Etc etc.

BUT . I am very confident that I am not cisgender. Which means TRANS 🎉

Nebularomantic

What is it? : Nebularomantic is a part of the aromantic spectrum and a subset of quoiromantic. It refers to those that are unable to or have a difficult time distinguishing between platonic and romantic attraction due to their neurodivergency.

Misconceptions : This is another lesser known label so it's harder for me to think of any misconceptions, but I'll say that being nebularomantic does not mean you don't experience any romantic attraction.

Side note : If you aren't neurodivergent but relate to the feeling of not being able to distinguish kinds of attraction, quoiromantic is a good label to look into :) Platoniromantic is an extremely similar label that is not exclusive to neurodivergent people and it may fit you!

Me : I have often struggled telling the difference between crushes, squishes (platonic crushes), and gender envy. Sometimes, the line between platonic and romantic attraction gets very blurred for me (almost in a queerplatonic sort of way). There are, of course, cases where I know very clearly that something is platonic. But there are other cases where there's less indication for me to go off of and I find the line starting to blur or get harder to distinguish. Although I can name many strictly platonic relationships, it would be much harder for me to name a relationship that I DEFINITELY viewed as romantic. Most of what I used to consider to be crushes may have been squishes but I simply didn't know it was a thing.

For clarity, I am neurodivergent. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety, and I suspect I probably have some other things too. I do very much think that being neurodivergent contributes to my confusion. I've had to ask for examples of things that would be strictly romantic. It's just very hard for me to wrap my head around it.

This being said, I am ..pretty sure.. that I experience romantic attraction. I think. Is it usually in a romantic-platonic queerplatonic sort of way? Probably. But I do still experience romantic attraction. It's just.. I cannot usually tell the difference. And this makes it pretty tricky when it comes to relationships LOL. Sometimes I will not realize I had any additional feelings for a person until they start dating someone or something comes up where I would be forced to notice. And then I'm kinda screwed, woops!

Aromantic spectrum yay 🎉

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Bonus : Pronouns

I have a complicated relationship with pronouns as you may have expected from all of this yap.

They/Them is amazing! I love they/them :)

She/Her is good, mostly because I'm used to it, but generally I don't mind it either

He/Him it honestly really depends, so I don't usually include it. But I also don't mind it when people call me it.

I'm also open to some neos, but there aren't any specific ones that I prefer so I also don't usually include this. Plus, there are a few neos such as it/its that I do not like, so I just find it simpler not to include.

So tldr :

They/Them always

She/Her usually

He/Him sometimes

Neos sometimes

Final Thoughts

Well! If you read this far: thanks I guess!!! You are one step closer to understanding me I suppose! I don't think I understand myself super well yet (I mean most of these labels are just . "Yeah this person doesn't know") but thanks for taking the time to read :)

I hope this is helpful to some people who are also discovering themselves and trying new labels! I'm no dictionary, so definitely do your own research, but I tried to be as accurate as possible!