#self support

Tonight was my last night in narcisstic abuse recovery group therapy. It's been over a year. It was a lot of work. I'm worried it wasn't enough. My 2026 goals:

Strengthen my body and re-teach it to support itself

Hey... Sorry about what happened.. luckily it ended with nobody being injuried.

Sadly things cannot be changed now, so it's time to deal with how it went. And, in particular, with how you feel about it all. This way, you can give it all closure and hopefully move on or just deal with it differently, so that it won't hurt/overwhelm you as much anymore.

Sure work on physically letting go of your frustration, eg. yell like you did because you couldn't respond at the right time. Maybe even cry out. Or find any other physical outlet to let go of the anger and frustration. Punch the pillow, tear paper, go for a run or whatever else.

But check with yourself too... maybe, isn't it that you also feel angry at yourself? Do you feel in the wrong or guilty for what happened? Maybe this person made you feel unseen, unimportant (since you say he saw you), or you feel like you did something wrong by taking that sudden turn. Do you see this person as an authority figure too, or someone that "scares" you, by any chance? Especially cause it's a man... Idk. Maybe this too made you not want to respond and just shut up and take it all in (making you resent yourself too?).

Listen to yourself. Ask yourself questions, be curious (not judgemental) about what your feelings (frustration, anger...) want to tell you. Don't just listen to the trigger making you want to defend yourself from him and yell it all out, especially cause you feel like you couldn't (=you couldn't speak). Acknowledge how you really feel too, how/where does it feel in your body. Forgive yourself because you couldn't speak/defend yourself, and if you ever feel guilty for doing something wrong. You were very likely scared and overwhelmed about it all. Do not be too harsh on you, we all make mistakes. Sometimes our brains just turn off with no apparent reason. And some events happen when we are scared and stressed, so we may not be grounded enough to take the action we may want to take (but that action may also not be a needed/useful one, just the usual one we use to respond to triggers).

Take this as an opportunity to look within and know more of yourself, to ground better for the next time a similar experience may happen (one that makes you feel the same way). Maybe journal about it, if it's easier to put things in perspective and navigate your feelings on paper. All this expressing and acknowledging your true feelings will help your throat. And drink some warm beverage to help it as well.

I'm in my mid-twenties, and statistically I know I'm still in the young part of my life, but I also know I'm the kind of person who doesn't think she will act until there is a fire lit under her feet. I mean, half the time I don't. With this gentle, daily practice, I can turn off my the part of my brain that ravages about not making anything with my life and also address the idea of gentle guidance. Encouraging self-support.

I haven't looked at how many pages I have written, or how many words, yet. And I don't plan to. Right now, I'm focused on getting the characters established, the ideas flowing, and the plot unstuck from my clamped jaws (so to speak). It is still rigid in most areas, but I am starting to see points where its thawing and the narrative underneath pokes out.

Serasa dikejar-kejar dari segala arah tapi tidak kuasa berlari.

Sangat lelah.